Well it is official. Today was my last day of class for now at the community college. For a few weeks, I have nothing school wise. However, come June 7th, I will be diving back into American Military University in my Bachelors of Hospitality major. I already have 9 credits completed with them. When I take two rounds of classes, which will be 2 classes each, I will be able to modify my plan. On top of my major, which I intend to keep, I want to minor in English, and complete a certificate of Human Resource Management.
Will the certificate help me? I'm not sure. I'd like to think that it will. More training and all. Basically my plan is to get a good enough education under my belt so that I will be marketable. Through my military background, and security background, the fact that I worked for Schwans, etc, those are all things that make me look good as an employee. But is it enough? My personal feeling is, I don't think so. Plus, my goal is to own at least one business, and my degree will prepare me for that. That reminds me of something.
Today, Lex, Zoe, and I went to Aldi's with a small list that Erin had written. We had about $24.00 left on food stamps and so Aldi's was the perfect place to go. Very good prices. For any of you who don't have aldi's near by, that really sucks! When we go there and have budgeted say $100.00 out of a paycheck for groceries, we come out of there with a ton for what we pay. If you go to a hyvee or wal mart with $100.00, depending on what you get, you might get a lot, but at the same time, you don't get that much. At aldi's, there are a ton of stuff like boxed dinners for 1.99, packs of turkey and regular bacon for 1.99, boxes of cereal for 2.00, etc. When we go there with a budget larger than the girls and I did today, for instance, if we go with $100.00 or even more in cash specifically for groceries, it makes you feel like you did really well.
A side note, which is what I was reminded of when mentioning my hospitality degree and wanting to own a business, right next to Aldi's there is one really big building. It looks like it may have been a grocery store at one point. It is really huge, and has the usual glass automatic doors at the front entrance. It even has a window on the side of the building that may have been for a pharmacy or something. Since we have lived in clinton, the building has been boarded up with a "for sale or lease" sign posted on the front. Being the wanna be business owner that I am, I look at that building every time with the thought going through my head saying "That building would make an excellent bowling and entertainment business. Be it, bowling and arcade, go-carts, lazer tag, etc." Now, the big question, with the assumption that I would ever have the financial means to purchase the building and turn it into something like that is this. Would that kind of business survive the current economy in Clinton? Would many people go out and go bowling or playing at a state-of-the-art arena? Hell! It could even be a large skating rink/gaming place. I would love to buy a good building and open a good roller rink here in Clinton. It doesn't have any kind of roller skating rinks, and if it did, I would so be taking the girls there regularly. I was a big roller skater a while back, and some day, just like soccer refereeing, I plan to get back into it.
Next to the big possible skating rink/bowling alley, etc building, there is another big building. Half of it is one big unit that is a big furniture store. The other half again has the glass automatic doors, appears to have been empty a while, and just like the other building, has a big "for sale or lease" sign on the doors. Alley, at both buildings was like "Lets look in the windows! How much do you think it'd cost for that one daddy?" I was like "I don't know. It'd make a good bowling alley though!" I'm glad lex seems excited about both mine and Erin's individual business dreams. Some day I know we will be able to look back and say "remember when all this was a dream?" Maybe I should try to find a cheap but decent size space and actually give clinton a good affordable skating rink. Being the only one in Clinton, people could skate in clinton without having to drive to davenport. It may be possible. Who knows?
So anyway, back to the original subject I was writing about. =)
I'm the type of person that, if all the money has gone out on bills and we are, for lack of a better word, broke, then how stressed out I am depends on our situation. To be broke, but have gas in our vehicles so we can get to work, and have a good stock of food at home, I'm good. I'm ok with being broke if we are being able to pay the bills for the most part, have gas in the tanks and food in the fridge,freezer, and pantries. There have been a few times in the past where it felt like we were so broke. What I mean by that is this. For whatever reason, we had pennies to our name because of payments we had to make or whatever, and we had not been able to get too much gas and did not have groceries. Those times suck! You find yourself thinking "how are we going to make it to pay day?" Thankfully we have been blessed to the point where even with our income being what it is, God gives us the means to get to work when we need to, and enough money for groceries, not to mention the wisdom of a place like Aldi's to get lots of groceries at very good prices.
For example, when we were there today, I did get one extra thing. We got the stuff on the list Erin wrote out. I walked by the section that had a few kinds of frozen pizzas. they were your usual family size pizzas. For 2 or 3 people, they will fill ya up. So for right now with Zoe only being 2, it works out for us. When she gets bigger and is a bigger eater, we may have to get 2 of the pizzas, but at just over $2.00 each, that's not bad at all! At regular grocery stores, the cheaper pizzas are still around $3.50, and I believe those are red barron, which are still really excellent frozen pizzas. Personally, when I'm able to, I like to buy the packs that have 2 pizza crusts, packs of mushrooms (for people that are mushroom fanatics like myself ;) ) , sliced pepporoni, shredded cheese, plus whatever topping you want to put on it. You could go all out and brown hamburger meat and add that to the pizza. I even fried up bacon one time a long long time ago and added that to it. Knowing my wife, carmelized onions are really good on pizzas too.
So anyway, point is, Aldi's rocks. Enough said. ;) So today, I didn't actually 'go' to class. Nope. What I did was this. Because we were turning in the official final draft of the paper we have been working on for a few weeks, this morning when I got off of work and was watching hercules waiting for Lex, I quickly typed the 'conclusion' and emailed the finished work to my teacher. In the email I told the instructor "I appologize. I do not know if I will be able to make it to class today. If not, I wish you a very happy summer!" My thought was that if given the chance, I was going to try to get maybe an extra hour of so of sleep.
I first came downstairs around noon because the dog was pacing, which means he needs to go outside. I let him out, noticed that Erin was napping on the recliner while Zoe watched Vegitales. She was rubbing her eyes, so I told Erin I would take her up and lay her down for a nap, herebye giving me an excuse to be able to go back to bed. I layed there for half an hour and didn't think I was going to go back to sleep. Next thing I know it was after 4 in the afternoon and Zoe was coming in the room. So, I got up. ;) Mainly watched an episode or 2 of buffy with Erin, did the grocery shopping, then got ready for work. Fun day eh? Yeah.
In closing, I keep thinking about the sheriffs deputy position. I keep wondering to myself "is it still good to go for a good paying position like that when a) i'm happy with my current job as a means to an end while I work on getting my degree, and b) when my real dream is to be a business owner? I don't know. I am still going to turn in the application and do the testing. The thing that bothers me is, I've been working here now for 6 months. I don't want to make another "Schwans" kind of decision. I don't want to decide to switch jobs just because the pay is a lot better, hereby starting over. Just my mind going into hyper drive. I'm not sure what to expect as a sheriffs deputy if I even get hired, but hey, I guess I will have the opportunity to find out eh? So that will be it for tonight. I will write more for you all tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 37
Good day everybody. Today was quite the interesting day. It was stressful in a way, but in another way it was also God's answering of prayers. Allow me to explain. Every day when I pray, I continue working to give all "our" cares, worries, and stresses to God. I know there are worries that we might have that are harder than others to let go of and give it completely over to Him. So what I ask from Him is that he simply take those stresses from us. We are not meant to be stressed over the little things in life, and there fore we must give it all over to him, and He will take care of us. It takes patience, and a lot of faith. Every day I would continue to pray to Him, and continue to have faith that the things that we worry about are small, and that He has a plan for us, and that eventually when it's right in God's eyes, things will line up the way he means them to be, and everything will make sense.
Well, for a while now, our electric bill has been apparently extremely high. We received assistance a few months back, and with that payment we were under then impression that our remaining bill would be about 1 month's payment. Well, a month and a half later, we received a few bills from my parents *the current account is in their name, but payed for by us, and is delivered to their address*, and suddenly we owed $1500.00. Of course, we were like "OmGosh! Holy Crap!" I'm the kind of person that although yes we may have had $100.00 or whatever here or there, but hardly the $280.00 per month, and especially nowhere near $1500.00 or whatever it was at then, and to me, if we have a huge bill that keeps accumulating I find it hard to make a small payment when it doesn't even make a dent. It's like, paying $50.00 on a loan that just keeps getting $150.00 interest per month. Yes you have payed $50.00, but then you are still going negative another $100.00. Well, that was where we were. We had times when we could pay small payments, even the $280.00 maybe, but the bill was still upwards of $2,000 by today.
So this morning, Erin left for work. When she left, all was well. I told you all recently how I have had some really intense dreams lately. Very vivid, very detailed, etc. Do they mean anything? Has God spoken to me or tried to help me figure things out through these dreams? I don't know. I did not get a clear message from any of them, although I woke up from each going "OMG!" Well, to describe for you how detailed and crystal clear some of my dreams have been, here you go. This morning after I got Lex off to the bus stop, I came back to bed. Not even an hour later, I was having a dream that Zoe was making her way down the stairs. Some times I am scared to death when she is coming down the stairs by herself because I don't want her to end up taking a tumble, and getting badly hurt. Well in my dream, she was carrying a blanket or something and before I could get to her she went rolling down the stairs and landed at the landing. I actually chirped because in the dream I was screaming "NO! ZOE!" Erin rolled over and partially woke up. She was like "What was that?" I was like "It's nothing. It was just a dream. I dreamed Zoe slipped on the steps."
Well, some time shortly after that, I remember feeling like our electricity was off. Part of it was a dream, but it was like somehow I felt like that was going to happen specifically today. Shortly after that, Erin left, and the electricity was still on. I know it was because Erin's alarm clock woke her up. Plus we have a ceiling fan going usually. Well about 30 minutes after she left, I remember randomly waking up and thinking "the power is off." I did not know for certain yet, but I had this strong feeling that it was. I looked up and the ceiling fan was still spinning but was slowly slowing down. I looked over to the wall and the switch was still flicked into the "on" position. I went over and flicked it up and down, nothing. "Shit!" I said. How did I know? I wondered. I had no idea. Somehow I had known before I was able to confirm it. Somehow I knew even before it happened. Strange? Yes. Coincidence? Maybe.
So I ended up grilling hotdogs for Zoe and I because our stove and microwave are electric obviously. I texted Erin about what was going on. I tried to call the electric company but they wouldn't talk to me because the account was in my dad's name. When Erin got off and came home, we went to the agencies in town that help with stuff like that, but the most they could do was $100.00. Our balance was apparently over $2,000 and $100.00 was not going to be enough. I ended up having to call my dad and having him call them so we could get the figures and information about what we would need to do to get turned back on. He was upset of course, but at the same time I was not asking him for money. I avoid that like the plague usually. Well he gave me the amount that we needed to pay, which was over $1,700.00 in order to get it turned back on. He said that after we pay the entire thing bringing the account current, that he was going to close it in his name and that we could open a new account in our name so the bill would come to us, and that we would be able to access the account. Within an hour, by the grace of God, we found a way through another bank account where the $1,700 ish, could get wired to us by tomorrow, and we would pay the bill plus the $160.00 reconnect fee. I texted my dad at 3:55 telling him the update, and he called. Apparently if we took care of it by 4, the reconnect fee was only 59.00 instead of 160.00.
He was like "you're 'certain' you are getting the money wired to you?" I was like "Yes we are." He was like "I have not payed a few bills yet. Let me call them in the next few minutes and see if I can pay the $1,700 for you, if you are willing to send me the money when you get it." I mentioned it to Erin, and we both said "That sounds great. Yes we would wire the money directly to you as soon as it is in the account." So, thank God, our power is back on. Now after tomorrow when we forward the money to pay my dad back, we will owe less than $300.00 left towards the electric account. We both get payed in a little over a week and we will pay the remaining balance so we can open an account in our own name instead of having to do the 3-party system again. The way I see it, and know in my heart, God meant for this whole little ordeal to happen, because through it, my worries about how we would end up taking care of the outrageous electric balance have been lifted.
So tonight, while Erin was emailing the bank giving them the information so they could wire transfer, I gave Lex some Mt Dew. Only a little bit, maybe like an ounce or two. I said "Drink for 5 seconds." To my knowledge, she had not had mt dew before. I told her how a coach I had when I was young some times brought small cans of coke to the game or practice and said it was good for quick energy for a brief period, such as a game or practice. I think it worked, because tonight she was a force of nature. The way we scrimmaged tonight was me and the main coach on one team, and all 8 of the girls on a team and they were playing against us. The coach said "Any time Chris or I score you guys have to run a lap." The girls did end up scoring about 3 times on us, but they ended up running I believe 8 laps. Every time they ran a lap, even after they had run several already, Lex was the leader of the pack. I was so impressed! Usually she is a great runner, but lately tires out quick and lags. Now I'm thinking we'll give her a small cup of dew before the game and see what happens. I'm so anxious to see! :-D
Erin had to run home to take care of something, but when she got back, it was just lex and I still at the field. While we waited, I kicked around with Lex. When we got home, I told Erin how I think Dew was a great idea, and told her how awesome lex did. She gave her a high 5 and told her how proud of her she was. By the time we came home the lights were back on. That felt good to see the electric on again. I had been preparing myself all day for the house to be lit by candles. Plus, no power would have meant our freezer and fridge slowly getting warmer, and having only the grill as a means to cook dinner. We got home, I ran up stairs, showered and got ready for work. When I came back downstairs, it was 7:30. I was starving and tired! I got busy right away. I put water on to boil, I started quickly dicing up the potatos, and then I started breading the cube steaks. By the time I left to come to work, the potatos were done, I strained them, and the cube steaks had been flipped once already. I went into the family room and told Erin that the meat just needed a little more time, that the potatos were boiled and ready to be mashed and just a few other things left, but that I did what I could to make things easier on her.
Meat and potatos. Mmmmmmmmm. Nothing helps you feel energized better than a hearty meal of meat and potatos that fills ya up. So in closing, it has been an eventful day indeed. It's amazing how many different things life throws at ya, but the great part is as long as you are giving yourself and everything you have over to God, and having faith that anything bothering you he will deal with, there is nothing that you can't handle. There is something that we were told in church. God doesn't give us anything that we can not handle. That is a very true statement! Everyone may not have experienced anything that makees them believe this, but Erin and I have. With God in our lives, today was not stressful at all. In the past, we would have been so stressed and upset, but we both knew that everything was going to be ok. So that will be it for tonight everyone. I will write more for you all tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
Well, for a while now, our electric bill has been apparently extremely high. We received assistance a few months back, and with that payment we were under then impression that our remaining bill would be about 1 month's payment. Well, a month and a half later, we received a few bills from my parents *the current account is in their name, but payed for by us, and is delivered to their address*, and suddenly we owed $1500.00. Of course, we were like "OmGosh! Holy Crap!" I'm the kind of person that although yes we may have had $100.00 or whatever here or there, but hardly the $280.00 per month, and especially nowhere near $1500.00 or whatever it was at then, and to me, if we have a huge bill that keeps accumulating I find it hard to make a small payment when it doesn't even make a dent. It's like, paying $50.00 on a loan that just keeps getting $150.00 interest per month. Yes you have payed $50.00, but then you are still going negative another $100.00. Well, that was where we were. We had times when we could pay small payments, even the $280.00 maybe, but the bill was still upwards of $2,000 by today.
So this morning, Erin left for work. When she left, all was well. I told you all recently how I have had some really intense dreams lately. Very vivid, very detailed, etc. Do they mean anything? Has God spoken to me or tried to help me figure things out through these dreams? I don't know. I did not get a clear message from any of them, although I woke up from each going "OMG!" Well, to describe for you how detailed and crystal clear some of my dreams have been, here you go. This morning after I got Lex off to the bus stop, I came back to bed. Not even an hour later, I was having a dream that Zoe was making her way down the stairs. Some times I am scared to death when she is coming down the stairs by herself because I don't want her to end up taking a tumble, and getting badly hurt. Well in my dream, she was carrying a blanket or something and before I could get to her she went rolling down the stairs and landed at the landing. I actually chirped because in the dream I was screaming "NO! ZOE!" Erin rolled over and partially woke up. She was like "What was that?" I was like "It's nothing. It was just a dream. I dreamed Zoe slipped on the steps."
Well, some time shortly after that, I remember feeling like our electricity was off. Part of it was a dream, but it was like somehow I felt like that was going to happen specifically today. Shortly after that, Erin left, and the electricity was still on. I know it was because Erin's alarm clock woke her up. Plus we have a ceiling fan going usually. Well about 30 minutes after she left, I remember randomly waking up and thinking "the power is off." I did not know for certain yet, but I had this strong feeling that it was. I looked up and the ceiling fan was still spinning but was slowly slowing down. I looked over to the wall and the switch was still flicked into the "on" position. I went over and flicked it up and down, nothing. "Shit!" I said. How did I know? I wondered. I had no idea. Somehow I had known before I was able to confirm it. Somehow I knew even before it happened. Strange? Yes. Coincidence? Maybe.
So I ended up grilling hotdogs for Zoe and I because our stove and microwave are electric obviously. I texted Erin about what was going on. I tried to call the electric company but they wouldn't talk to me because the account was in my dad's name. When Erin got off and came home, we went to the agencies in town that help with stuff like that, but the most they could do was $100.00. Our balance was apparently over $2,000 and $100.00 was not going to be enough. I ended up having to call my dad and having him call them so we could get the figures and information about what we would need to do to get turned back on. He was upset of course, but at the same time I was not asking him for money. I avoid that like the plague usually. Well he gave me the amount that we needed to pay, which was over $1,700.00 in order to get it turned back on. He said that after we pay the entire thing bringing the account current, that he was going to close it in his name and that we could open a new account in our name so the bill would come to us, and that we would be able to access the account. Within an hour, by the grace of God, we found a way through another bank account where the $1,700 ish, could get wired to us by tomorrow, and we would pay the bill plus the $160.00 reconnect fee. I texted my dad at 3:55 telling him the update, and he called. Apparently if we took care of it by 4, the reconnect fee was only 59.00 instead of 160.00.
He was like "you're 'certain' you are getting the money wired to you?" I was like "Yes we are." He was like "I have not payed a few bills yet. Let me call them in the next few minutes and see if I can pay the $1,700 for you, if you are willing to send me the money when you get it." I mentioned it to Erin, and we both said "That sounds great. Yes we would wire the money directly to you as soon as it is in the account." So, thank God, our power is back on. Now after tomorrow when we forward the money to pay my dad back, we will owe less than $300.00 left towards the electric account. We both get payed in a little over a week and we will pay the remaining balance so we can open an account in our own name instead of having to do the 3-party system again. The way I see it, and know in my heart, God meant for this whole little ordeal to happen, because through it, my worries about how we would end up taking care of the outrageous electric balance have been lifted.
So tonight, while Erin was emailing the bank giving them the information so they could wire transfer, I gave Lex some Mt Dew. Only a little bit, maybe like an ounce or two. I said "Drink for 5 seconds." To my knowledge, she had not had mt dew before. I told her how a coach I had when I was young some times brought small cans of coke to the game or practice and said it was good for quick energy for a brief period, such as a game or practice. I think it worked, because tonight she was a force of nature. The way we scrimmaged tonight was me and the main coach on one team, and all 8 of the girls on a team and they were playing against us. The coach said "Any time Chris or I score you guys have to run a lap." The girls did end up scoring about 3 times on us, but they ended up running I believe 8 laps. Every time they ran a lap, even after they had run several already, Lex was the leader of the pack. I was so impressed! Usually she is a great runner, but lately tires out quick and lags. Now I'm thinking we'll give her a small cup of dew before the game and see what happens. I'm so anxious to see! :-D
Erin had to run home to take care of something, but when she got back, it was just lex and I still at the field. While we waited, I kicked around with Lex. When we got home, I told Erin how I think Dew was a great idea, and told her how awesome lex did. She gave her a high 5 and told her how proud of her she was. By the time we came home the lights were back on. That felt good to see the electric on again. I had been preparing myself all day for the house to be lit by candles. Plus, no power would have meant our freezer and fridge slowly getting warmer, and having only the grill as a means to cook dinner. We got home, I ran up stairs, showered and got ready for work. When I came back downstairs, it was 7:30. I was starving and tired! I got busy right away. I put water on to boil, I started quickly dicing up the potatos, and then I started breading the cube steaks. By the time I left to come to work, the potatos were done, I strained them, and the cube steaks had been flipped once already. I went into the family room and told Erin that the meat just needed a little more time, that the potatos were boiled and ready to be mashed and just a few other things left, but that I did what I could to make things easier on her.
Meat and potatos. Mmmmmmmmm. Nothing helps you feel energized better than a hearty meal of meat and potatos that fills ya up. So in closing, it has been an eventful day indeed. It's amazing how many different things life throws at ya, but the great part is as long as you are giving yourself and everything you have over to God, and having faith that anything bothering you he will deal with, there is nothing that you can't handle. There is something that we were told in church. God doesn't give us anything that we can not handle. That is a very true statement! Everyone may not have experienced anything that makees them believe this, but Erin and I have. With God in our lives, today was not stressful at all. In the past, we would have been so stressed and upset, but we both knew that everything was going to be ok. So that will be it for tonight everyone. I will write more for you all tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
Monday, May 10, 2010
Day 36
Hey everybody. The weather outside currently is rainy and slightly cool. Woke up just after 1, and immediately got into the shower. Came downstairs and called qwest to set up a payment arrangement. Tried to talk to verizon but wasn't able to since it is in Erin's name, so messaged her saying that she would need to call them.
When Erin got off work and was picking up Ally, I drove to office max to fax yet another form to my school. I found out afterwards that I still have to fax yet another one to them. Oy. What a pain. Well anyway, on the way there, I rolled over railroad tracks and suddenly my truck was louder again.
When I parked I noticed that my tailpipe came disconnected. I had temporarily fixed it by putting an adapter and clamp on it. It had been fine for the past two months. Now we are between paychecks and I am not able to go get another clamp and bracket. I'm not sure what I will do just yet. Maybe I will have to just make due till we get payed next week and then take the truck in and have it officially taken care of. I don't know.
So I think the last thing I will write about is this odd dream I had this morning that I told Melissa about an hour ago or so. It was really quite strange. In it, I was playing soccer. Only it was not normal soccer. We were on ice, and we all had ice skates on. We still played with a normal ball, which we kicked around the field of ice. For some reason though, I was made aware t hat my head was all taped up. I had a weird injury to my head, where it was an open wound, and occasionally some of my team mates would notice that I had a drop of blood running down the side of my cheek. There was a doctor on the side of the field, whom kept telling me "Be careful! You can't afford to take any hits to the head!" "Why not?" I would ask. "If you take even a small hit to the head, it is very likely that you will die."
I cut across the field as the team with the ball was attacking our goal. I got the ball away from them, but was tripped in the process. I lost my balance, and fell onto my side. Being on ice, I slid from the center of the field to the outside edge. Unfortunately I slid right into the side wall, hitting my head hard. I started to feel like my head was hemoraging, and I started bleeding a lot more, and suddenly I jerked up awake in bed. I texted Melissa saying "holy shit that was a weird dream!"
The other day, I had a dream where I was with a group of people. In the dream I knew who they were, but right now I can not say whether I knew them in real life or not. Well, we were being attacked in some way. I don't know exactly what was going on. I stayed hidden down below for most of the assault, but eventually I felt like if I didn't do something, that we were all going to die, or even worse, that some of the people with me that I cared about would have something happen to them. Suddenly, I was on my feet, and I had some kind of weapon in my hands. I believe it was a rifle or shot gun. I'm thinking it was a shot gun. The funny thing was I do not recall having the shot gun in my posession before that. I stood up, yelling "NO!" *BANG!* There were about 6 people that I could count, all hidden behind stuff. One was hidden behind a tree. Another was firing at us from inside a truck. The third was on top of a roof of a near by building. The fourth and fith were inside windows inside the bilding, and the sixth shooter was in a little hole they apparently dug.
Well when I screamed "NO!" and pulled the trigger, the shooter that was on the roof screamed out and fell over the edge, falling to the ground. Everyone in the group I was in stopped screaming momentarily and looked up at me. It was as if they were thinking out loud and what they were saying was "holy shit! Did you just do that!?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. I pointed and pulled the trigger again. *BANG!* One of the shooters in one of the windows screamed out and was knocked back against the wall behind them. Almost as if by reflex, I moved just a hair to the side and pulled the trigger again. As I did, I heard two bangs. *BANG!* The person in the window screamed out and was blown back onto the bed. As my shot hit them, they pulled their trigger and their gun went off *BANG!* I felt a sharp pain shoot up my left side. I flew back as well, smashing into a pile of wood that was behind us.
Immediately I pulled myself up, and pointed and fired again. *BANG!* The shooter inside the truck opened the door and tried to run but collapsed to the ground. Another gun went off *BANG!* Luckily this just hit a tree near us. Thank God this person was not as good of a shot as the other person. I pointed and pulled the trigger. *Click!* Shit! out of ammo. Having not had the gun in my posession long, I had no idea if I even had ammo for it or not. I looked under a few things and found a box of shells. Loading them in, I heard sobbing beside me. I looked and a very young kid, about the age of 13, but a very well built young boy, was sobbing. "I don't want to die" he said. "Dont worry, we're not going to die." I said to him. I do not know who the boy was, but I cared for him. I did not recognize anyone in the group I was in but it was like I knew them somehow. Friends? I'm not sure. Relatives? If they were I would think I would remember them.
Another blast went off *BANG!*. Dibree from the tree nearby fell down over us. I cocked my shotgun. I jumped up, turning to fire. Just as I did, I heard two blasts again. Had I pulled the trigger? No, I realized that i hadn't. More dibree fell around us. The second shot hit me in the same side as the last. I fell to the ground again, panting. Damn! "Oh my god! Are you ok?" a female voice said beside me. Coughing, I said "I'm fine, I just got the wind knocked out of me, thats all." I forced a smile. I Went to stand up and another blast hit our little hiding place, sending more dibree flying. "FUCKERS!" i yelled. I jerked the shotgun over the top, and pulled the trigger. *BANG!* The shooter that was by the tree had started to step out but jumped back behind the tree. I dropped back to the ground. *BANG!* *BANG!* Two shots rang out. Me and my group of people ducked our heads down. I jumped up again, swinging the shotgun around. *BANG!* This time the guy behind the tree had completely stepped out from behind the tree in order to take a shot. "AHH!" he yelled, flying backwards and landing in a heap on the ground. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. I ducked just as another blast took place. *BANG!* I realized this person must also be using a shot gun. Part of his buckshot clipped me in the side of my neck.
"ouch, shit." I said grabbing the wound. A young boy with us said "Sir, give it to me, you're bleeding!" "No. You just stay down. I'm not going to let anyone die today. Don't worry." "But sir, I don't think you can handle getting hit again." "Just stay down," I said. I stood up, trying to see where the last shooter was. I could see areas where smoke was coming out of. Fire? I don't know. Focus! I must find the last shooter! "I'm going out there. I need to get this guy!" I said. "No you can't! You're hurt! We need to get you to a hospital before you bleed to death!" the female said. "I'll be ok. I promise." I said. I stepped out. I barely started to move and another blast happened. *BOOM!* This was loud! Geeze! What the hell kind of gun does this person have? My chest went up in flames it felt like. I felt like I was hit with a bag of bricks all across my breast bone. Next thing I knew, I was flying backwards. It felt like I was airborn for quite some time. Next thing I knew I was smashing into a wooden fence. Was the fence falling apart? Or was I flying at a high velocity? I don't know, but it makes me curious because of the fact that the fence splintered to chunks and pieces as I fell on top of it.
I felt like I was going to sleep. The world around me was flickering in a way. I tried to look up and I could see the shadow of someone moving towards me. Their footsteps were like small booming sounds. I found myself actually growing a little bit afraid. "Am i dead? Am i about to die? What's happening? What's going to happen?" I couldn't stop my mind from racing about the different thoughts that were going through my head. The figure stopped just next to me. I looked up as best I could, and this person, whoever they were, was staring down at me. They had something in their hand. It was long, and looked black, and shiney, with a small round end to it. The more i focused, it became more clear. It was a rifle. I heard the click of it being cocked. "I'm dead. I'm so dead." I thought. Suddenly a blast. *BOOM!* I shut my eyes, thinking that the next thing I saw would be the Good Lord up in heaven, but I still felt the throbbing in my chest and shoulder. Next thing I knew, I heard a crash. It sounded like the crash I made when I flew into the fence. I kept my eyes closed. I was too afraid to open them. Next thing I knew, I heard someone talking to me. "Sir, are you ok?" "I'm. I'm alive?" I said. "Yes you are, you dropped your shotgun when he got you. I was able to get to it and take a shot at him before he could try to finish you off." "Thank you young lad. Thank you. You saved my life. I will forever be grateful." I said. "No sir, we are all grateful to you. If you hadn't gotten rid of the other shooters, we would all eventually have been killed. We are all indebted to you."
I felt really light headed. I looked down and realized that I was bleeding really badly. It was ok though. We were all alive. So, the way I figured it, no matter what happened now, everything was ok. On the way to the hospital, I felt really sleepy. I knew that was not a very good thing. "I'm............. I'm really tired. i think I will go to sleep." I said. "YOU BETTER NOT! YOU STAY WITH US!" I heard a female voice scream at me. There was pressure squeezing my hand. I knew that voice. Where did I know her from. I looked up and her hair was the color of fire. Red hot, fire. Riding beside her were two children. One was very tall, short blond hair, very thin, and crying hysterically. "Daddy! no! Please daddy!" Daddy? what? I must have taken a pretty huge blow to my head because I had no idea what was going on. Beside the tall young girl was a very short little girl. She was also blond and had some unbelievable curls. "Dadda!" she said. She was also crying, but she kept looking towards the older one. Was she crying because she was upset about the same reason too? Or was she crying because the older one, whom I assumed was her sister was upset? I didn't know.
"but i'm so sleepy." I said. "I don't care! You keep your eyes open!" the older woman yelled. Yes, I was sure now that it was a woman and not a young girl that was yelling at me now. Everything went black for a moment. Next thing I knew, I was walking through a field. I was not injured anymore. In fact, I felt better than ever. "Am i dead?" I said out loud. It was as though, I could hear voices screaming at me in the back ground, but I did not see anyone around me in the field. All I saw was tall grass, flowers, trees, as far as the eye could see. Suddenly I heard a real deep, booming, authoritative sounding voice. "Chris." "Yeah?" I said looking around, unable to figure out where the voice was coming from. "Go back. It is not your time yet. They need you. Your wife. Your girls. Go back to them." "I don't understand. Where am I?" I said. "You are in the valley. This is where all souls come before they officially pass through to the side. Once they pass through, they join me up here. You do have a choice. You can come through to this side, or you can go back to them. Most souls simply have only one choice, to pass th rough. Since it is not your time, I am giving you the choice. What do you want to do?" the booming voice continued.
I layed down in the grass and i felt a wave of hurt go through me. My heart ached. Erin! Lex! Zoe! I remember now! HOw on earth could I forget! I can't leave them! I thought. "Lord! Please! Forgive me! Please let me stay with them!" "I knew you would make the right choice." He said.
Suddenly I was awake again. We were still in the ambulance. It had only been minutes since I had fallen asleep, but it felt like I had been gone days. Suddenly, again, i jerked up in bed, wide awake and going "woh. wow, that was intense!"
-------------------
Sometimes I can't help but wonder what some dreams mean. Are they just the products of our over active imagination? Or are they something more meaningful? It is never easy to tell. Lately, when I have slept deep and dreamed, I have had some very intense dreams. I'm sure it is just because of everything going on in life, but sometimes I wonder if it means something more. Anyway, I will call that it for now. This story up above is mostly from a dream, but I modified it and turned it into a short story. Feel free to commment on what you think as far as a simple yet intense story that I was able to just conjure up out of thin air and post for you all here. I will write more for you tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
When Erin got off work and was picking up Ally, I drove to office max to fax yet another form to my school. I found out afterwards that I still have to fax yet another one to them. Oy. What a pain. Well anyway, on the way there, I rolled over railroad tracks and suddenly my truck was louder again.
When I parked I noticed that my tailpipe came disconnected. I had temporarily fixed it by putting an adapter and clamp on it. It had been fine for the past two months. Now we are between paychecks and I am not able to go get another clamp and bracket. I'm not sure what I will do just yet. Maybe I will have to just make due till we get payed next week and then take the truck in and have it officially taken care of. I don't know.
So I think the last thing I will write about is this odd dream I had this morning that I told Melissa about an hour ago or so. It was really quite strange. In it, I was playing soccer. Only it was not normal soccer. We were on ice, and we all had ice skates on. We still played with a normal ball, which we kicked around the field of ice. For some reason though, I was made aware t hat my head was all taped up. I had a weird injury to my head, where it was an open wound, and occasionally some of my team mates would notice that I had a drop of blood running down the side of my cheek. There was a doctor on the side of the field, whom kept telling me "Be careful! You can't afford to take any hits to the head!" "Why not?" I would ask. "If you take even a small hit to the head, it is very likely that you will die."
I cut across the field as the team with the ball was attacking our goal. I got the ball away from them, but was tripped in the process. I lost my balance, and fell onto my side. Being on ice, I slid from the center of the field to the outside edge. Unfortunately I slid right into the side wall, hitting my head hard. I started to feel like my head was hemoraging, and I started bleeding a lot more, and suddenly I jerked up awake in bed. I texted Melissa saying "holy shit that was a weird dream!"
The other day, I had a dream where I was with a group of people. In the dream I knew who they were, but right now I can not say whether I knew them in real life or not. Well, we were being attacked in some way. I don't know exactly what was going on. I stayed hidden down below for most of the assault, but eventually I felt like if I didn't do something, that we were all going to die, or even worse, that some of the people with me that I cared about would have something happen to them. Suddenly, I was on my feet, and I had some kind of weapon in my hands. I believe it was a rifle or shot gun. I'm thinking it was a shot gun. The funny thing was I do not recall having the shot gun in my posession before that. I stood up, yelling "NO!" *BANG!* There were about 6 people that I could count, all hidden behind stuff. One was hidden behind a tree. Another was firing at us from inside a truck. The third was on top of a roof of a near by building. The fourth and fith were inside windows inside the bilding, and the sixth shooter was in a little hole they apparently dug.
Well when I screamed "NO!" and pulled the trigger, the shooter that was on the roof screamed out and fell over the edge, falling to the ground. Everyone in the group I was in stopped screaming momentarily and looked up at me. It was as if they were thinking out loud and what they were saying was "holy shit! Did you just do that!?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. I pointed and pulled the trigger again. *BANG!* One of the shooters in one of the windows screamed out and was knocked back against the wall behind them. Almost as if by reflex, I moved just a hair to the side and pulled the trigger again. As I did, I heard two bangs. *BANG!* The person in the window screamed out and was blown back onto the bed. As my shot hit them, they pulled their trigger and their gun went off *BANG!* I felt a sharp pain shoot up my left side. I flew back as well, smashing into a pile of wood that was behind us.
Immediately I pulled myself up, and pointed and fired again. *BANG!* The shooter inside the truck opened the door and tried to run but collapsed to the ground. Another gun went off *BANG!* Luckily this just hit a tree near us. Thank God this person was not as good of a shot as the other person. I pointed and pulled the trigger. *Click!* Shit! out of ammo. Having not had the gun in my posession long, I had no idea if I even had ammo for it or not. I looked under a few things and found a box of shells. Loading them in, I heard sobbing beside me. I looked and a very young kid, about the age of 13, but a very well built young boy, was sobbing. "I don't want to die" he said. "Dont worry, we're not going to die." I said to him. I do not know who the boy was, but I cared for him. I did not recognize anyone in the group I was in but it was like I knew them somehow. Friends? I'm not sure. Relatives? If they were I would think I would remember them.
Another blast went off *BANG!*. Dibree from the tree nearby fell down over us. I cocked my shotgun. I jumped up, turning to fire. Just as I did, I heard two blasts again. Had I pulled the trigger? No, I realized that i hadn't. More dibree fell around us. The second shot hit me in the same side as the last. I fell to the ground again, panting. Damn! "Oh my god! Are you ok?" a female voice said beside me. Coughing, I said "I'm fine, I just got the wind knocked out of me, thats all." I forced a smile. I Went to stand up and another blast hit our little hiding place, sending more dibree flying. "FUCKERS!" i yelled. I jerked the shotgun over the top, and pulled the trigger. *BANG!* The shooter that was by the tree had started to step out but jumped back behind the tree. I dropped back to the ground. *BANG!* *BANG!* Two shots rang out. Me and my group of people ducked our heads down. I jumped up again, swinging the shotgun around. *BANG!* This time the guy behind the tree had completely stepped out from behind the tree in order to take a shot. "AHH!" he yelled, flying backwards and landing in a heap on the ground. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. I ducked just as another blast took place. *BANG!* I realized this person must also be using a shot gun. Part of his buckshot clipped me in the side of my neck.
"ouch, shit." I said grabbing the wound. A young boy with us said "Sir, give it to me, you're bleeding!" "No. You just stay down. I'm not going to let anyone die today. Don't worry." "But sir, I don't think you can handle getting hit again." "Just stay down," I said. I stood up, trying to see where the last shooter was. I could see areas where smoke was coming out of. Fire? I don't know. Focus! I must find the last shooter! "I'm going out there. I need to get this guy!" I said. "No you can't! You're hurt! We need to get you to a hospital before you bleed to death!" the female said. "I'll be ok. I promise." I said. I stepped out. I barely started to move and another blast happened. *BOOM!* This was loud! Geeze! What the hell kind of gun does this person have? My chest went up in flames it felt like. I felt like I was hit with a bag of bricks all across my breast bone. Next thing I knew, I was flying backwards. It felt like I was airborn for quite some time. Next thing I knew I was smashing into a wooden fence. Was the fence falling apart? Or was I flying at a high velocity? I don't know, but it makes me curious because of the fact that the fence splintered to chunks and pieces as I fell on top of it.
I felt like I was going to sleep. The world around me was flickering in a way. I tried to look up and I could see the shadow of someone moving towards me. Their footsteps were like small booming sounds. I found myself actually growing a little bit afraid. "Am i dead? Am i about to die? What's happening? What's going to happen?" I couldn't stop my mind from racing about the different thoughts that were going through my head. The figure stopped just next to me. I looked up as best I could, and this person, whoever they were, was staring down at me. They had something in their hand. It was long, and looked black, and shiney, with a small round end to it. The more i focused, it became more clear. It was a rifle. I heard the click of it being cocked. "I'm dead. I'm so dead." I thought. Suddenly a blast. *BOOM!* I shut my eyes, thinking that the next thing I saw would be the Good Lord up in heaven, but I still felt the throbbing in my chest and shoulder. Next thing I knew, I heard a crash. It sounded like the crash I made when I flew into the fence. I kept my eyes closed. I was too afraid to open them. Next thing I knew, I heard someone talking to me. "Sir, are you ok?" "I'm. I'm alive?" I said. "Yes you are, you dropped your shotgun when he got you. I was able to get to it and take a shot at him before he could try to finish you off." "Thank you young lad. Thank you. You saved my life. I will forever be grateful." I said. "No sir, we are all grateful to you. If you hadn't gotten rid of the other shooters, we would all eventually have been killed. We are all indebted to you."
I felt really light headed. I looked down and realized that I was bleeding really badly. It was ok though. We were all alive. So, the way I figured it, no matter what happened now, everything was ok. On the way to the hospital, I felt really sleepy. I knew that was not a very good thing. "I'm............. I'm really tired. i think I will go to sleep." I said. "YOU BETTER NOT! YOU STAY WITH US!" I heard a female voice scream at me. There was pressure squeezing my hand. I knew that voice. Where did I know her from. I looked up and her hair was the color of fire. Red hot, fire. Riding beside her were two children. One was very tall, short blond hair, very thin, and crying hysterically. "Daddy! no! Please daddy!" Daddy? what? I must have taken a pretty huge blow to my head because I had no idea what was going on. Beside the tall young girl was a very short little girl. She was also blond and had some unbelievable curls. "Dadda!" she said. She was also crying, but she kept looking towards the older one. Was she crying because she was upset about the same reason too? Or was she crying because the older one, whom I assumed was her sister was upset? I didn't know.
"but i'm so sleepy." I said. "I don't care! You keep your eyes open!" the older woman yelled. Yes, I was sure now that it was a woman and not a young girl that was yelling at me now. Everything went black for a moment. Next thing I knew, I was walking through a field. I was not injured anymore. In fact, I felt better than ever. "Am i dead?" I said out loud. It was as though, I could hear voices screaming at me in the back ground, but I did not see anyone around me in the field. All I saw was tall grass, flowers, trees, as far as the eye could see. Suddenly I heard a real deep, booming, authoritative sounding voice. "Chris." "Yeah?" I said looking around, unable to figure out where the voice was coming from. "Go back. It is not your time yet. They need you. Your wife. Your girls. Go back to them." "I don't understand. Where am I?" I said. "You are in the valley. This is where all souls come before they officially pass through to the side. Once they pass through, they join me up here. You do have a choice. You can come through to this side, or you can go back to them. Most souls simply have only one choice, to pass th rough. Since it is not your time, I am giving you the choice. What do you want to do?" the booming voice continued.
I layed down in the grass and i felt a wave of hurt go through me. My heart ached. Erin! Lex! Zoe! I remember now! HOw on earth could I forget! I can't leave them! I thought. "Lord! Please! Forgive me! Please let me stay with them!" "I knew you would make the right choice." He said.
Suddenly I was awake again. We were still in the ambulance. It had only been minutes since I had fallen asleep, but it felt like I had been gone days. Suddenly, again, i jerked up in bed, wide awake and going "woh. wow, that was intense!"
-------------------
Sometimes I can't help but wonder what some dreams mean. Are they just the products of our over active imagination? Or are they something more meaningful? It is never easy to tell. Lately, when I have slept deep and dreamed, I have had some very intense dreams. I'm sure it is just because of everything going on in life, but sometimes I wonder if it means something more. Anyway, I will call that it for now. This story up above is mostly from a dream, but I modified it and turned it into a short story. Feel free to commment on what you think as far as a simple yet intense story that I was able to just conjure up out of thin air and post for you all here. I will write more for you tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Day 35
Good evening everyone. Happy mother's day to all you mothers out there. This morning when I woke up, it was 10AM. I woke Lex up and asked her if she wanted to go to church. She said yes. Erin seemed pretty tired still, so I figured since it was mothers day that I would go to church with the girls and let Erin sleep. It was nice to be back at church. I especially always enjoy singing along with the choir. After church when Lex and I went to get Zoe from the daycare section, the person in charge said "She was so good!" I was like "I'm glad to hear it!"
When we left church, I asked Lex if she brought her money. She said she did. I told her that I wanted to go to wal mart, and that if she had her money she could get mothers day stuff for mommy. She was excited about it. At wal mart, while lex was picking out her cards and flowers for mommy, Zoe and I were picking out ours. I think it was a big surprise to Erin when we got home. I handed Zoe her card and flower and said "Go on Zo! Go give your card and flower to mommy!" She was like "okay dadda!"
Left overs for lunch was really good. I reheated lex's brisket plate from last night for her, and mac & cheese and scalloped potatos from last night as well for Erin and I.
This week, Erin has more hours scheduled. Paycheck wise, I'm hoping she works most of them. I know it will make her happier if next time she gets paid it is a nice paycheck compared to the usual pizza ranch paycheck.
I'm pretty tired right now, so I'm not in as much of a writing mood as I would like. So I'm going to close with this. I got the deputy sheriffs application filled out today. The plan is that I will turn it in tomorrow. Then to continue getting in shape for next month's civil service testing. WHAT FUN! I am going to call that it for tonight all. I will write more for you tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
When we left church, I asked Lex if she brought her money. She said she did. I told her that I wanted to go to wal mart, and that if she had her money she could get mothers day stuff for mommy. She was excited about it. At wal mart, while lex was picking out her cards and flowers for mommy, Zoe and I were picking out ours. I think it was a big surprise to Erin when we got home. I handed Zoe her card and flower and said "Go on Zo! Go give your card and flower to mommy!" She was like "okay dadda!"
Left overs for lunch was really good. I reheated lex's brisket plate from last night for her, and mac & cheese and scalloped potatos from last night as well for Erin and I.
This week, Erin has more hours scheduled. Paycheck wise, I'm hoping she works most of them. I know it will make her happier if next time she gets paid it is a nice paycheck compared to the usual pizza ranch paycheck.
I'm pretty tired right now, so I'm not in as much of a writing mood as I would like. So I'm going to close with this. I got the deputy sheriffs application filled out today. The plan is that I will turn it in tomorrow. Then to continue getting in shape for next month's civil service testing. WHAT FUN! I am going to call that it for tonight all. I will write more for you tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Day 34
Good evening everyone. Today was a fairly sleepless day. By 7:15 it had been raining for 2 hours and the coach was calling to say that the game had been cancelled. So I picked Lex up from the YWCA sleepover, came home and went to bed. It was barely 3 hours later and the kids were being loud. It looked like Erin needed sleep, so reluctantly I dragged myself up and went downstairs with the kids.
For brunch I made fryed egg sandwiches and bacon for everyone. Those always hit the spot. Maybe my lack of stuff coming to mind to write about is due to my extreme lack of sleep. So I will try this.
Yesterday we finally received the books I had ordered a few weeks ago. I read "The house of night" series, book number 1. There are 6 or more total books in the series. Book 1 was awesome. I flew threw it. When I finished, I knew I wanted to continue the series. That night Erin and I ordered the next 4 in the series. Finally! Finally! Finally! After what seemed like 3 weeks, they showed up. I had been trying to read a book called "The witching hour" and oh my gosh! That book is hard to get into. I don't know if it's that I think it's slow, or that it is boring. For me, it's like the witching hour story just has not really gone anywhere fast, and feels dull. I kept reading it while waiting for the house of night books to ship because I didn't want to give up on it. Last night when I went to work, I left the witching hour here and took the house of night book 2 with me.
Two weeks of trying to read the witching hour and I was only on page 60. An hour of reading the house of night and I was on page 30. I was like "ok, so it wasn't me. It was the book I was trying to read."
So, although I have not written much tonight, I'm going to move on to the closing. Tonight we are going to have brisket for dinner. It has been cooking for the past 5 hours. In addition to the fact that it feels like too many days I've gone without working out, I have also felt more weak when it comes to food. I find myself in the kitchen, looking for a snack, and then telling myself "I shouldn't be doing this. I should be grabbing vegis or fruit, or just waiting till later when we eat." I'm sure it's partially because of the stress. Lack of sleep sucks big time. It stresses me out so bad. And depending on how late Erin was up, sometimes I have to be the one to get up in the morning when Zoe wakes up, usually because Erin is too tired. It sucks! I can't stress that enough. IT. SUCKS. OH. M. G.
One other thing before I bring this entry to a close. Although I'm filling out the app and applying for the Deputy Sherrif's position, I do find myself nervous and a little scared. I don't know about what exactly, I'm just really nervous and scared when it comes to applying for and possibly completely switching jobs. So I will call that it for tonight. I appologize for not having much to say. I will write more for you all tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
PS At least I still maintain my goal of blogging every single day. Some days, obviously, are better than others. Some days are extremely hard due to things like lack of sleep, or just not feeling too hot emotionally.
For brunch I made fryed egg sandwiches and bacon for everyone. Those always hit the spot. Maybe my lack of stuff coming to mind to write about is due to my extreme lack of sleep. So I will try this.
Yesterday we finally received the books I had ordered a few weeks ago. I read "The house of night" series, book number 1. There are 6 or more total books in the series. Book 1 was awesome. I flew threw it. When I finished, I knew I wanted to continue the series. That night Erin and I ordered the next 4 in the series. Finally! Finally! Finally! After what seemed like 3 weeks, they showed up. I had been trying to read a book called "The witching hour" and oh my gosh! That book is hard to get into. I don't know if it's that I think it's slow, or that it is boring. For me, it's like the witching hour story just has not really gone anywhere fast, and feels dull. I kept reading it while waiting for the house of night books to ship because I didn't want to give up on it. Last night when I went to work, I left the witching hour here and took the house of night book 2 with me.
Two weeks of trying to read the witching hour and I was only on page 60. An hour of reading the house of night and I was on page 30. I was like "ok, so it wasn't me. It was the book I was trying to read."
So, although I have not written much tonight, I'm going to move on to the closing. Tonight we are going to have brisket for dinner. It has been cooking for the past 5 hours. In addition to the fact that it feels like too many days I've gone without working out, I have also felt more weak when it comes to food. I find myself in the kitchen, looking for a snack, and then telling myself "I shouldn't be doing this. I should be grabbing vegis or fruit, or just waiting till later when we eat." I'm sure it's partially because of the stress. Lack of sleep sucks big time. It stresses me out so bad. And depending on how late Erin was up, sometimes I have to be the one to get up in the morning when Zoe wakes up, usually because Erin is too tired. It sucks! I can't stress that enough. IT. SUCKS. OH. M. G.
One other thing before I bring this entry to a close. Although I'm filling out the app and applying for the Deputy Sherrif's position, I do find myself nervous and a little scared. I don't know about what exactly, I'm just really nervous and scared when it comes to applying for and possibly completely switching jobs. So I will call that it for tonight. I appologize for not having much to say. I will write more for you all tomorrow.
Thanks for being here.
CB
PS At least I still maintain my goal of blogging every single day. Some days, obviously, are better than others. Some days are extremely hard due to things like lack of sleep, or just not feeling too hot emotionally.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Day 33
It's amazing how much the apparent need for naps increases as you get older. Sleep is one of those things that I look at now as being golden. In the past I still loved sleep, but it was no where near what I think of it now. When I was in High School, did I try to sleep in on the weekends? Sure! But the funny thing was this. I have always been some what of a night owl. I would stay up till 3 or 4 some nights depending on what I was doing, go to bed and try to sleep till noon. Of course, my dad would usually flip my light on around 9 or 10 saying "Time to get up Chris! It's late! Got a lot of things to do today!" Of course, we didn't always have that much to do, but that was what he said.
Today when I finally got to bed just before 8 this morning, I slept till about 1:30 when my alarm went off. I hit snooze, and went back to sleep till 1:45. I actually was awake enough that I could have gone to today's class. Days left include: Today, monday, and wednesday. All we are doing is further going over the paper that she already went over with me on. My initial thought when I got up at 1:45 was that I wanted to go back to bed for another hour or two, email my teacher and tell her that I would email her the draft she already saw, and that I would see her on Monday. At this point, we are basically not doing anything else, and I really did not feel up to driving all the way across town to do what I was already doing on my own, so I emailed out. Did I initially plan to go? Yup. When it comes down to it, the idea of getting extra sleep will usually win out, especially with how I work nights, sleep days, etc.
I'm really looking forward to next month. First week of June is when my online classes start. Finally I will be able to work a little faster towards my bachelors degree. Also, just after I start classes, the civil service testing for the deputy sherriff's position takes place. From what I understand, there is a written test and then a physical agility test that consists of pushups, situps, and 1 1/2 mile timed run. I have already been working towards getting in better shape for the past 2 weeks, but now that I have seen the info packet with the application that explained the physical tests, I know I need to get out and run, pushing myself more and more so that when the time comes I will be able to breeze right through it. I didn't follow through with applying to the police department, I want to follow through and complete this. Who knows? I could get hired! If I did, I would make more than I did working for Schwans and probably much better hours. Plus, and this is a big bonus for Erin and I, Employer paid health and life insurance! :-D
I do really enjoy my job as a security officer. I decided a long time ago that I would really only leave for a really good job offer. When I left my last security job for schwans, I knew the hours were going to suck. I thought only of the money. If I had also strongly thought of the hours, the being away from my family, the stress involved, I may have decided to stay with the college security position, continueing to work on my online degree with Ashford University, and by now probably being at least a year away from my bachelors in teaching. But, a different choice was made, and now I am where I am. All I can do is continue working towards my goals.
So today, when I came downstairs around 2, Erin, Zoe, and I went to pick up her paycheck. We headed over to the check cashing place to cash it and have it put on one of their cards. The card we got was basically a waste because we tried to make a payment onto our verizon account and the card wouldn't work. We thought "ok, we will try it later" and went over to pick up some food from Arbys. They tried to run the card there and again said "insufficient funds." So we ended up going to an atm, withdrawing the money off the card instead because obviously it had issues.
When we got home, Lex had just gotten home and was waiting outside playing. Tonight Erin dropped her off at the YWCA. There was this sleep over thing going on with her after school program, taking place at the Y from 7:30 pm till tomorrow morning at 7:30. Initially I was going to go ahead and crash when I get off tomorrow morning, and Erin was going to pick her up at 7:30, but Lex's soccer game is at 9. So I'm thinking, as much as it will suck for me, I'm thinking I will just force myself to remain awake till we get past her game and then I will go to bed. The idea of going to bed after being up for an all night shift, and not having a set time when I "Have" to wake up, sounds better than any time I have gone to bed and only had 2 or 3 hours to sleep before having to get up. Chances are I may end up sleeping till 4 or 5 tomorrow evening but oh well. I will try not to sleep quite that long though. Erin actually has this weekend off and I want us to go to church on sunday. It will be the first time in a few weeks since we last went. I'm weird, I prefer not to go to church unless we are all able to go. I've gone with just the girls before, and I'm willing to again, I just prefer to have Erin there with us too.
So tonight I'm going to try something. Lately I have noticed that it feels really hard to get on the computer and convince myself to write. Thankfully I have still been able to motivate myself to do my blog entries every day. However, my book has not really been updated too much in a few days. I have opened it up a few times and started typing, and then lost interest, or my mind was blank, and ended up saving and closing it again. I want to write both the blog, and the book every night. I don't know what the issue is. So tonight I want to do something. I'm going to do some descriptive writing. I don't know how much it will end up being. However, what I'm going to do is describe the weather for today, and what I was thinking and feeling this morning when I got off and was waiting for Lex. Ready? Here goes.
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The time is currently 6:20 AM. I just got off work, and drove back home. It rained hard throughout my entire shift, and although the sun was up, I can not see much of it. There are many dark clouds filling the sky. The day was going to be a gloomy one indeed. It was almost as though there was a grey blanket that had been pulled over the veil that was the sky, and now the light of the day was nothing more than a very gray glow.
Here I am now, sitting in the chair. I have already gone upstairs, turned Lex's light on, told her that her cereal is ready and waiting for her, and came back down. I have turned on the TV, the wii, put the next episode of hercules on. When I initially came into the family room, the lamp had been on. I wanted the room as dark as possible, because it is easy for me to relax when it is dark. Light keeps me awake. I reached down with my right hand, feeling for the lever. Feeling it, I pulled it, causing the foot rest of the recliner to extend. Ah. So comfy! I can see how Erin can so easily nap in this chair. Without the light of the lamp, and the light of the tv being the only light, the room was still pretty dark. I could see into the kitchen, but it was really dim in there as well. I left a single lamp on near the kitchen table for Lex.
As hercules started to play, I thought "I should get my laptop and get online," but of course, with the gloomy day causing the nicely dimmed room, I was too relaxed. I did not want to move. All I wanted to do was stay exactly where I was, and enjoy two things. The comfy position I was in, and the show I enjoy so much. This was the life. I wish it was possible to feel that relaxed all the time, but unfortunately too many things are going on in life, that Erin and I now occasionally will be getting cheap massages from our close friend every few weeks. Erin had hers just yesterday and apparently it helped her a lot. I don't remember it helping her as much the first time, but maybe I'm just not remembering it correctly. As I recall, it was gloomy yesterday as well while she was at her appointment. The main difference was it really was not raining at that point. It was just the "promise" of rain. Thankfully before the official rain came, Erin was able to get her mother's day plants in the ground in her garden.
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With the overcast day, the temperature gradually got much cooler. When I woke up, it felt really cold downstairs. I looked at the thermastat and it said the temp in the house was 63. Thinking of the kids, I went ahead and flipped the switch back to heat. It had been in the "off" position for a little while. Usually whenever it cooled down outside briefly, the house was still comfortable. When it stays cold for a day or longer, then the house slowly gets cold, and hense, the heat is required. Mid 60's is good. I have always had a saying. You can always throw more clothes and blankets on, but you can only take so much off. The hotter it is, the more you have to take off. If you take everything off, then eventually thats it. You can't take off any more, and yet you might still be burning up. Where as in the cold, you can throw on another shirt, a sweater even, a blanket or two, and eventually you will find the amount of layers that helps.
Time to close this long entry. Tonight about an hour and a half before work, I decided I would try to catch a quick power nap. I looked at the clock, and it was 7pm. I had not fallen asleep yet. Again, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. I found myself imagining the feeling of the tight muscles being worked on in my back, the knots being taken care of. I remember subcontiously thinking to myself "I wonder if I'm going to get any sleep before my alarm goes off," and suddenly my alarm did. It made me jump because apparently somewhere in my mind I thought I was still awake. Obviously I had fallen asleep for maybe 30 - 40 minutes, because the alarm came up on me quicker than it normally would if I was still awake. I definitely know the difference. In the past I have layed down trying to nap, and been awake and alert right up until the time I was going to get up. Those experiences suck, because then you're getting ready for work thinking "sleep. needed sleep. Oh well. Will sleep tomorrow." lol. So on that note, I will call that it for tonight. I thank you all for being apart of my long rant, and will write more for you tomorrow.
Thanks for being here!
CB
Today when I finally got to bed just before 8 this morning, I slept till about 1:30 when my alarm went off. I hit snooze, and went back to sleep till 1:45. I actually was awake enough that I could have gone to today's class. Days left include: Today, monday, and wednesday. All we are doing is further going over the paper that she already went over with me on. My initial thought when I got up at 1:45 was that I wanted to go back to bed for another hour or two, email my teacher and tell her that I would email her the draft she already saw, and that I would see her on Monday. At this point, we are basically not doing anything else, and I really did not feel up to driving all the way across town to do what I was already doing on my own, so I emailed out. Did I initially plan to go? Yup. When it comes down to it, the idea of getting extra sleep will usually win out, especially with how I work nights, sleep days, etc.
I'm really looking forward to next month. First week of June is when my online classes start. Finally I will be able to work a little faster towards my bachelors degree. Also, just after I start classes, the civil service testing for the deputy sherriff's position takes place. From what I understand, there is a written test and then a physical agility test that consists of pushups, situps, and 1 1/2 mile timed run. I have already been working towards getting in better shape for the past 2 weeks, but now that I have seen the info packet with the application that explained the physical tests, I know I need to get out and run, pushing myself more and more so that when the time comes I will be able to breeze right through it. I didn't follow through with applying to the police department, I want to follow through and complete this. Who knows? I could get hired! If I did, I would make more than I did working for Schwans and probably much better hours. Plus, and this is a big bonus for Erin and I, Employer paid health and life insurance! :-D
I do really enjoy my job as a security officer. I decided a long time ago that I would really only leave for a really good job offer. When I left my last security job for schwans, I knew the hours were going to suck. I thought only of the money. If I had also strongly thought of the hours, the being away from my family, the stress involved, I may have decided to stay with the college security position, continueing to work on my online degree with Ashford University, and by now probably being at least a year away from my bachelors in teaching. But, a different choice was made, and now I am where I am. All I can do is continue working towards my goals.
So today, when I came downstairs around 2, Erin, Zoe, and I went to pick up her paycheck. We headed over to the check cashing place to cash it and have it put on one of their cards. The card we got was basically a waste because we tried to make a payment onto our verizon account and the card wouldn't work. We thought "ok, we will try it later" and went over to pick up some food from Arbys. They tried to run the card there and again said "insufficient funds." So we ended up going to an atm, withdrawing the money off the card instead because obviously it had issues.
When we got home, Lex had just gotten home and was waiting outside playing. Tonight Erin dropped her off at the YWCA. There was this sleep over thing going on with her after school program, taking place at the Y from 7:30 pm till tomorrow morning at 7:30. Initially I was going to go ahead and crash when I get off tomorrow morning, and Erin was going to pick her up at 7:30, but Lex's soccer game is at 9. So I'm thinking, as much as it will suck for me, I'm thinking I will just force myself to remain awake till we get past her game and then I will go to bed. The idea of going to bed after being up for an all night shift, and not having a set time when I "Have" to wake up, sounds better than any time I have gone to bed and only had 2 or 3 hours to sleep before having to get up. Chances are I may end up sleeping till 4 or 5 tomorrow evening but oh well. I will try not to sleep quite that long though. Erin actually has this weekend off and I want us to go to church on sunday. It will be the first time in a few weeks since we last went. I'm weird, I prefer not to go to church unless we are all able to go. I've gone with just the girls before, and I'm willing to again, I just prefer to have Erin there with us too.
So tonight I'm going to try something. Lately I have noticed that it feels really hard to get on the computer and convince myself to write. Thankfully I have still been able to motivate myself to do my blog entries every day. However, my book has not really been updated too much in a few days. I have opened it up a few times and started typing, and then lost interest, or my mind was blank, and ended up saving and closing it again. I want to write both the blog, and the book every night. I don't know what the issue is. So tonight I want to do something. I'm going to do some descriptive writing. I don't know how much it will end up being. However, what I'm going to do is describe the weather for today, and what I was thinking and feeling this morning when I got off and was waiting for Lex. Ready? Here goes.
--------------------
The time is currently 6:20 AM. I just got off work, and drove back home. It rained hard throughout my entire shift, and although the sun was up, I can not see much of it. There are many dark clouds filling the sky. The day was going to be a gloomy one indeed. It was almost as though there was a grey blanket that had been pulled over the veil that was the sky, and now the light of the day was nothing more than a very gray glow.
Here I am now, sitting in the chair. I have already gone upstairs, turned Lex's light on, told her that her cereal is ready and waiting for her, and came back down. I have turned on the TV, the wii, put the next episode of hercules on. When I initially came into the family room, the lamp had been on. I wanted the room as dark as possible, because it is easy for me to relax when it is dark. Light keeps me awake. I reached down with my right hand, feeling for the lever. Feeling it, I pulled it, causing the foot rest of the recliner to extend. Ah. So comfy! I can see how Erin can so easily nap in this chair. Without the light of the lamp, and the light of the tv being the only light, the room was still pretty dark. I could see into the kitchen, but it was really dim in there as well. I left a single lamp on near the kitchen table for Lex.
As hercules started to play, I thought "I should get my laptop and get online," but of course, with the gloomy day causing the nicely dimmed room, I was too relaxed. I did not want to move. All I wanted to do was stay exactly where I was, and enjoy two things. The comfy position I was in, and the show I enjoy so much. This was the life. I wish it was possible to feel that relaxed all the time, but unfortunately too many things are going on in life, that Erin and I now occasionally will be getting cheap massages from our close friend every few weeks. Erin had hers just yesterday and apparently it helped her a lot. I don't remember it helping her as much the first time, but maybe I'm just not remembering it correctly. As I recall, it was gloomy yesterday as well while she was at her appointment. The main difference was it really was not raining at that point. It was just the "promise" of rain. Thankfully before the official rain came, Erin was able to get her mother's day plants in the ground in her garden.
-----
With the overcast day, the temperature gradually got much cooler. When I woke up, it felt really cold downstairs. I looked at the thermastat and it said the temp in the house was 63. Thinking of the kids, I went ahead and flipped the switch back to heat. It had been in the "off" position for a little while. Usually whenever it cooled down outside briefly, the house was still comfortable. When it stays cold for a day or longer, then the house slowly gets cold, and hense, the heat is required. Mid 60's is good. I have always had a saying. You can always throw more clothes and blankets on, but you can only take so much off. The hotter it is, the more you have to take off. If you take everything off, then eventually thats it. You can't take off any more, and yet you might still be burning up. Where as in the cold, you can throw on another shirt, a sweater even, a blanket or two, and eventually you will find the amount of layers that helps.
Time to close this long entry. Tonight about an hour and a half before work, I decided I would try to catch a quick power nap. I looked at the clock, and it was 7pm. I had not fallen asleep yet. Again, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. I found myself imagining the feeling of the tight muscles being worked on in my back, the knots being taken care of. I remember subcontiously thinking to myself "I wonder if I'm going to get any sleep before my alarm goes off," and suddenly my alarm did. It made me jump because apparently somewhere in my mind I thought I was still awake. Obviously I had fallen asleep for maybe 30 - 40 minutes, because the alarm came up on me quicker than it normally would if I was still awake. I definitely know the difference. In the past I have layed down trying to nap, and been awake and alert right up until the time I was going to get up. Those experiences suck, because then you're getting ready for work thinking "sleep. needed sleep. Oh well. Will sleep tomorrow." lol. So on that note, I will call that it for tonight. I thank you all for being apart of my long rant, and will write more for you tomorrow.
Thanks for being here!
CB
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Day 32
It's amazing to think that I am now on my 32nd entry out of the 365 that I intend to do for this perticular blog. Some days, I admit, it is hard as hell to get myself to write anything. However, I am the type of person that, if I allow myself to slack off, then I will keep doing it. For example, as far as going to the Y, and/or exercising, etc, if I tell myself "Oh I don't feel like it. I will just do it on Thursday." Then Thursday comes along and I think "You know? I will just start fresh on Tuesday." So instead, come Tuesday, I tell myself "I'm going to go otherwise I will want to skip Thursday also." I just have to be determined to do it no matter what. The other day Erin had made a comment about how she would go to a 5:15PM work out class but felt too tired. I mentioned to her later that next time that happens, if she's thinking "I will go later, I'm too tired," that she should go ahead and go anyway. I said that although she felt tired before hand, that who knows, maybe she would feel better after going through it.
So, as you all know, I have been trying to be on a strict diet. Salad's have been my close personal friend for the past at least 2 weeks. Also, I have tried to only drink Mt Dew while I'm at work *mainly because I need at least some caffeine to work overnight*, and I have been trying to resist any urges to snack on anything between meals. I have also made sure to check the labels whenever I'm going to possibly buy something to eat, and make a final decision based on the nutritional information. For instance, last week I was going to pick up easy bake stuff for dinner for all of us because I didn't really have the energy to cook. I looked at Stoufers TV dinners and one of them was like 700 Calories by itself. I was like "DAMN!" I mean, they are pretty damn good, but DAMN!
So I had been pretty strict with my diet lately. Eating granola cereal or other healthy cereal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then eating dinner without worrying about anything. Plus exercising at least a couple times a week. Well yesterday I felt like crap. It was a combination of things. 1) I felt exausted all day. I slept good, but by the time I came to work I was dragging. Every time I ate anything, an hour or two later I was starving again. We had frozen fish fillets and mac& Cheese for dinner last night, and literally by 2 hours later I felt weak and as though my stomach was already empty. The only thing I could think was that I had really not been eating much protein at all. Also, with avoiding the snacks between meals, and sugar as much as possible, and not drinking caffeine hardly at all, my body must be burning through everything much faster. Maybe my metabolism is getting higher? Who knows.
So anyway, I decided that I probably really needed a good protein. So when I filled my gas tank up yesterday, I grabbed Erin a snack also, and I got a single serve package of beef jerky. After eating that, I was like "meat. yes. meat. that's what I need. More meat." Didn't leave work this morning until 6:30 because I was trying to get the schedules written up for the next 5 weeks. I meant to do it throughout the night but forgot until 15 minutes till 6 this morning. I rushed when I got home. Put cereal on the table for Lex, had a small bowl myself, ran upstairs and woke her up, and then turned on the next episode of Hercules.
By 7:05 there was still no sign of Lex. I hollered up again but didn't get a response. So I walked up the stairs. She heard me and was on her feet by the time I got to her door. I was like "You don't have much time missy. Get dressed! Your cereal is still on the table." She was like "kay." I went back down, lounging again on the recliner, and resumed Hercules. Eventually she came down, ate, got mostly ready, and then layed on the couch watching the show as well. When it was over, there was 5 minutes before the bus was going to show up. I didn't want her to be late, so I grabbed my keys and said "Hop into the truck, I will drive you down there." I literally dropped her off on the corner near the other kids, did a u-turn and then the bus was pulling up. It was close, but at least she made it.
So for some reason, I couldn't sleep past 1PM. I wanted to sleep till 2 or 3 because of how tired I was all night, but nope, I was wide awake feeling rested at just after 1. Erin came home and put Zoe down for a nap. She showered quick and then layed down, falling asleep herself. I tried to sleep but couldn't, so figured I would get my shower and shave out of the way early. I hung out downstairs for a little bit, and then Lex showed up just after 4. Wanting protein really bad, I thought "Tonight feels like a steak and potatos night." I was going to go with Lex and Zoe to Wal mart to get steaks and stuff for dinner, and I was surprised that Erin was awake. I told her that I had planned to take the girls out and let her sleep, but since she was awake we all went. For mother's day I got Erin a couple different plants for her garden. This time we did vegitables. Tomatos was one of them, brocoli, I think we did onions, and strawberries? Ok, so not 'all' vegi's.
Lex brought her money she got for her birthday, and she bought mommy a nice and big flower plant to plant in the garden as well. We have dreams for how big we want the garden to be. I would even love to take half of one small section of our yard and put a little garden fence around it and have vegitables on one side and regular flowers and such on the other. We were talking about what my dad's reaction would be if he came to visit mid summer and there was this lovely garden all in bloom. I guess we will see!
So the steaks I picked out were this large ass sirloins. Between 4 steaks in the large package, the weight was almost 4 pounds. We rushed back home and dropped Erin off at her appointment with our friend the massage therapist from church. While she was at that, the girls and I headed back home. I began getting the vegitables chopped up and into the foil, ready to throw on the grill, and Erin finished it when she got home. It was about 40 minutes before work, Erin was planting her new plants, the girls were running around in the yard, and I was grilling the steaks and vegis. Gotta love a dinner like that! There is still 1 1/2 steaks left! I joked around with Erin "left over steak will be good for something like Steak and Eggs!" She was like "Or, steak and salad!" I was like "That's a good idea! I've never really had steak in a salad but I know it'd be good!"
So today I splurged a little bit more than usual. When we filled up Erin's car, I grabbed a larger bag of beef jerky. I tried to make up for it though. Instead of eating a lot of it myself, I made sure the bag was passed around the car and we all ate some. Share the calories! ;) It wasn't really the calories that concerned me. It was the sodium. The sodium is rediculous in some bags of beef jerky. The calories are like, 120 Calories per serving, with 15 calories being from fat. Then the sodium is like, 500 Mg, or 28% of the daily consumption for sodium. WOW! Too much sodium and then you retain more water weight.
So, I've noticed that with the way that I have felt tons better so far today, I have felt more like getting on here and doing my writing. When I'm tired and constantly starving I just was like "blah. Lets get this over with." I guess in order to clear your mind and let yourself go with your writing, it is too difficult if your body is saying "WHY HAVE YOU ONLY EATEN 3 MEALS AND NO SNACKS?! I'M HUNGRY DAMN YOU! FEED ME!" And you're like "GEEZE! YOU HAD 3 MEALS! PLUS LOTS OF WATER! WHAT ELSE DO YOU FREAKING WANT?!" lol. I guess a big part of trying to eat healthier and "diet" is having to constantly tell yourself "That's enough. Don't eat anything more until your next meal." Or, "I don't really need that fast food." Or "I don't really need to eat that entire candy bar!" Or even "Nah, I don't need to super size." ;)
I will have to jump on a scale again to see what my weight is so far. If I'm in mid 230's fully clothed then I will be pretty happy. I don't expect to have already dropped 20 pounds but if I'm close to 10 just from consuming water instead of pop and lemonade, that will be good. So I'm happy that today I felt more up to coming on here and writing a decent amount. I am going to call that it for tonight, but will write more for you tomorrow! Check out the pictures of Ally's awesome birthday cake made by Erin. The picture is posted on Erin's blog! Be sure to comment saying what you think! She made it so realistic that it actually looks like a personal pan pizza. Lex wanted a "Pizza Cake." See you all tomorrow!
Thanks for being here.
CB
So, as you all know, I have been trying to be on a strict diet. Salad's have been my close personal friend for the past at least 2 weeks. Also, I have tried to only drink Mt Dew while I'm at work *mainly because I need at least some caffeine to work overnight*, and I have been trying to resist any urges to snack on anything between meals. I have also made sure to check the labels whenever I'm going to possibly buy something to eat, and make a final decision based on the nutritional information. For instance, last week I was going to pick up easy bake stuff for dinner for all of us because I didn't really have the energy to cook. I looked at Stoufers TV dinners and one of them was like 700 Calories by itself. I was like "DAMN!" I mean, they are pretty damn good, but DAMN!
So I had been pretty strict with my diet lately. Eating granola cereal or other healthy cereal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then eating dinner without worrying about anything. Plus exercising at least a couple times a week. Well yesterday I felt like crap. It was a combination of things. 1) I felt exausted all day. I slept good, but by the time I came to work I was dragging. Every time I ate anything, an hour or two later I was starving again. We had frozen fish fillets and mac& Cheese for dinner last night, and literally by 2 hours later I felt weak and as though my stomach was already empty. The only thing I could think was that I had really not been eating much protein at all. Also, with avoiding the snacks between meals, and sugar as much as possible, and not drinking caffeine hardly at all, my body must be burning through everything much faster. Maybe my metabolism is getting higher? Who knows.
So anyway, I decided that I probably really needed a good protein. So when I filled my gas tank up yesterday, I grabbed Erin a snack also, and I got a single serve package of beef jerky. After eating that, I was like "meat. yes. meat. that's what I need. More meat." Didn't leave work this morning until 6:30 because I was trying to get the schedules written up for the next 5 weeks. I meant to do it throughout the night but forgot until 15 minutes till 6 this morning. I rushed when I got home. Put cereal on the table for Lex, had a small bowl myself, ran upstairs and woke her up, and then turned on the next episode of Hercules.
By 7:05 there was still no sign of Lex. I hollered up again but didn't get a response. So I walked up the stairs. She heard me and was on her feet by the time I got to her door. I was like "You don't have much time missy. Get dressed! Your cereal is still on the table." She was like "kay." I went back down, lounging again on the recliner, and resumed Hercules. Eventually she came down, ate, got mostly ready, and then layed on the couch watching the show as well. When it was over, there was 5 minutes before the bus was going to show up. I didn't want her to be late, so I grabbed my keys and said "Hop into the truck, I will drive you down there." I literally dropped her off on the corner near the other kids, did a u-turn and then the bus was pulling up. It was close, but at least she made it.
So for some reason, I couldn't sleep past 1PM. I wanted to sleep till 2 or 3 because of how tired I was all night, but nope, I was wide awake feeling rested at just after 1. Erin came home and put Zoe down for a nap. She showered quick and then layed down, falling asleep herself. I tried to sleep but couldn't, so figured I would get my shower and shave out of the way early. I hung out downstairs for a little bit, and then Lex showed up just after 4. Wanting protein really bad, I thought "Tonight feels like a steak and potatos night." I was going to go with Lex and Zoe to Wal mart to get steaks and stuff for dinner, and I was surprised that Erin was awake. I told her that I had planned to take the girls out and let her sleep, but since she was awake we all went. For mother's day I got Erin a couple different plants for her garden. This time we did vegitables. Tomatos was one of them, brocoli, I think we did onions, and strawberries? Ok, so not 'all' vegi's.
Lex brought her money she got for her birthday, and she bought mommy a nice and big flower plant to plant in the garden as well. We have dreams for how big we want the garden to be. I would even love to take half of one small section of our yard and put a little garden fence around it and have vegitables on one side and regular flowers and such on the other. We were talking about what my dad's reaction would be if he came to visit mid summer and there was this lovely garden all in bloom. I guess we will see!
So the steaks I picked out were this large ass sirloins. Between 4 steaks in the large package, the weight was almost 4 pounds. We rushed back home and dropped Erin off at her appointment with our friend the massage therapist from church. While she was at that, the girls and I headed back home. I began getting the vegitables chopped up and into the foil, ready to throw on the grill, and Erin finished it when she got home. It was about 40 minutes before work, Erin was planting her new plants, the girls were running around in the yard, and I was grilling the steaks and vegis. Gotta love a dinner like that! There is still 1 1/2 steaks left! I joked around with Erin "left over steak will be good for something like Steak and Eggs!" She was like "Or, steak and salad!" I was like "That's a good idea! I've never really had steak in a salad but I know it'd be good!"
So today I splurged a little bit more than usual. When we filled up Erin's car, I grabbed a larger bag of beef jerky. I tried to make up for it though. Instead of eating a lot of it myself, I made sure the bag was passed around the car and we all ate some. Share the calories! ;) It wasn't really the calories that concerned me. It was the sodium. The sodium is rediculous in some bags of beef jerky. The calories are like, 120 Calories per serving, with 15 calories being from fat. Then the sodium is like, 500 Mg, or 28% of the daily consumption for sodium. WOW! Too much sodium and then you retain more water weight.
So, I've noticed that with the way that I have felt tons better so far today, I have felt more like getting on here and doing my writing. When I'm tired and constantly starving I just was like "blah. Lets get this over with." I guess in order to clear your mind and let yourself go with your writing, it is too difficult if your body is saying "WHY HAVE YOU ONLY EATEN 3 MEALS AND NO SNACKS?! I'M HUNGRY DAMN YOU! FEED ME!" And you're like "GEEZE! YOU HAD 3 MEALS! PLUS LOTS OF WATER! WHAT ELSE DO YOU FREAKING WANT?!" lol. I guess a big part of trying to eat healthier and "diet" is having to constantly tell yourself "That's enough. Don't eat anything more until your next meal." Or, "I don't really need that fast food." Or "I don't really need to eat that entire candy bar!" Or even "Nah, I don't need to super size." ;)
I will have to jump on a scale again to see what my weight is so far. If I'm in mid 230's fully clothed then I will be pretty happy. I don't expect to have already dropped 20 pounds but if I'm close to 10 just from consuming water instead of pop and lemonade, that will be good. So I'm happy that today I felt more up to coming on here and writing a decent amount. I am going to call that it for tonight, but will write more for you tomorrow! Check out the pictures of Ally's awesome birthday cake made by Erin. The picture is posted on Erin's blog! Be sure to comment saying what you think! She made it so realistic that it actually looks like a personal pan pizza. Lex wanted a "Pizza Cake." See you all tomorrow!
Thanks for being here.
CB
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