woohoo! Finally on MacBook!

Hey everybody! This post is going to be short. I'm finally on a decent computer! My wife and I officially paid off our washer and dryer with Aarons, and we added 2 MacBook air's as new lease to own. So, we went from getting our account down to like $80 per month to then adding 2 $130 per month items to our account. I know I wanted one for when I get my online business started, and I really wanted to get Erin one to help her with her bakery business. She has a lot of photos on a portable drive that she needs to get onto her computer. So, we are both ready to go! Tomorrow we mail off overnight a cashiers check to the bank for the origination fee and then they overnight the business loan check to us. We will have it by 1030 Saturday morning. Since we now already have our computers, all that will be left to do will be to get the business stuff off and rolling. Cant wait! I'm so anxious to start the business stuff and begin receiving the large commission checks. I'm so anxious to give my 2 week notice at my local job and then spend all my time either working on my business or hanging out with my family.

Things are finally coming into place!

So on that note, I have to get going! I have to get over to my daughter's school to pick her up so we can head to the middle school and be ready for our middle child's winter guard performance.

It's funny though. I had figured Id do a go-live video on my business page from my MacBook but for some reason I struggled to figure out what to do. I'm new to Mac. I've always been a PC guy, but have wanted to go Mac for a while. I will never go with apple as far as my phone goes, but computer wise, I'm definitely happy to be on a Mac. It'll be nice to be on a computer that I know will last me a long time.

Anyway y'all, I look forward to being able to come on here and update you all as to how things are going. On that note, take care and talk to you next time!

Sometimes it's time for a change. :)

Sometimes when you've been doing the same thing for a while, it's time to change it up. Recently multiple things have changed. 2 weeks ago, I was notified that heartland was going over all the owner operator contracts. I had a feeling they were going to make a decision to change how we get paid. Sure enough! last weekend we all got the email that we were being switched from making 68% of the load to getting paid mileage instead. I knew right then my time was limited with interstate because I hate mileage as a contractor. You literally have to run your ass off in order to make a modest paycheck. Versus when you make percentage, you can run less miles but still make a good check.

Reluctantly, I went back to the truck on Tuesday, and was gonna head out for the week. I get to the truck, load my stuff in, start up the truck and go park the car. I get back in the truck, and it wasn't airing up my air tanks. And my AC wasn't working. I was like "wtf!!!" I don't have the money to get everything repaired on the truck and keep rolling. So, I decided maybe it's time to change. I was able to get the truck disconnected from the empty trailer and parked near my car. Unloaded my stuff back into the car for the most part (I didn't get everything out of the truck yet, figured I can go back to completely clear it out, plus haven't officially quit from interstate either.)

So what I'm working towards right now is getting the required documents I need so I can add passenger rating onto my license with the idea that maybe I'll apply to be a Nashville bus driver. However, I'm also looking for local daycab positions. My first priority is seeking out opportunities where I can still work and make decent money but be home daily. If I can't find anything that seems good enough, I am willing to stay over the road. I have a few options that I'd go with as a contractor, and at least 1 company I'd go with as a company driver. But if I can do what I do and not have to be away all the time, I'd prefer that. I have missed so many vacations, and I'm tired of it. It's gotten to be too much, my family away on vacation while I'm out in the truck working. My oldest still at home is 16 and my youngest is 9. I don't want to miss any more if I can avoid it.

So, that's what I'm working on right now. Trying to figure things out. Told the wife last night, "sorry I haven't gotten an orientation scheduled for Monday for another over the road opportunity, I'm focusing on trying to see if I can get a local opportunity so that I can be home daily." She seemed to actually be ok with that. Yes she'd like me to work but she'd also like me home if possible. She agreed that maybe this is a good time to look at a change.

Eventually I will get my online business fully rocking but I don't have the money to do what I need to do. I might have to make a plan and put little bits here and there away so that I can invest what I need to invest and then I'll start driving traffic to the products and services and making high commissions on them and then get to a point where I won't have to work a regular job at all. I'd do it right now, but my wife literally said "i'm not saying no forever, I'm just saying no right now."

Then she talked later about how she wishes we could afford _____, and I'm thinking "we could if you would just be willing to let me take a chance and not say no out of fear." That's what the issue is, if you want change you gotta be willing to go after the change. You can't just say "oh, I can't afford it." Or the best one "some day." Some day never comes if you don't take action. I'm wanting to take action, but unless I want a divorce, I have to also work with my wife. Sadly, if I was single I'd probably already be where I want to be financially. Oh well.

So anyway, I'm going to leave on that note for now. Feel free to click the banner up above to get your free book!

Check out my business facebook page at facebook.com/ceazfreedom.

Or sign up for our free business building workshop that takes place every Monday and Thursday night, by going to ceazfreedom.com

Follow me on twitter at patruckerchris

and connect with my on Instagram at surripets . :)


Hope you all have a good one and talk to you again next time!

Coffee Coffee Coffee

Hey all! I'm up here in Pineville North Carolina. Just got put in a dock and am being unloaded. Apparently this load is entirely coffee. Normally when I haul starbucks its a combination of stuff. Usually when I haul an entire load of coffee or sugar i'm at the roasting plant up in PA, which we don't haul out of anymore because Big G Express underbid everyone. So when I saw this load out of the roasting plant in South Carolina, 100 miles paying $300, I was surprised. But, I went ahead and booked it. I'm still gonna be deadheading back towards Tennessee because there's nothing till tomorrow out here and i'm down to like 30 hours on my 70, and if I'm gonna sit around anywhere, I'd much rather do it at home.

And this day off at home will be very interesting. Erin and the girls are on the road headed to PA right now to spend the week visiting the fam up there. I'm doing my duty and staying out working to try to keep working on the paychecks. Too many bils to be paid and sadly it usually seems like I'm the main one trying to figure out how to get them covered. I'm the saver mostly, where as the wife is the free spirit so she wants to be able to do stuff and buy stuff and loves her car but I'm the one going "how are we going to pay for it?"

So that's my stress currently is pretty much the money side of things and wondering how we will do this or how we will do that, and the wife is like "we will figure things out." I'm like "um. ok.. how?" I mean its easy to say "we will figure it out" and then just don't do anything. I can constantly say I'm trying to make things better for us, but then keep doing what I'm doing. Then in a year from now, we will still be where we are now, struggling, not the best marriage, not the best finances, me always away from home, them still freaking taking vacations while I stay out here and work (that's the biggest thing I am spiteful about lately because that's two trips in a row that I couldn't go for.) She went up to Kansas for her birthday, and then now she's going up to pa for her bio mom and grandma's birthdays and yet here again, I'm out here because we cant afford me taking time off. It's the same saying every time. "Obviously we would love to have you there, but we understand that you have to work."

Then I talk to her about how I'm working on building an online business so I can come off the road, be home with them, and stop missing things like this, and its "everything online is a scam, I think you should just stay out there in the truck and keep working on the business you've been out there doing for 6 years and try to make that better.)

Another thing I am not happy about is, no matter what I do out here, how much I make, it's never enough for her. I can make $1000, and she's like "you used to make $2000 a week with Schneider." I could make $1500 or so and it's "why can't you push to make between 2000 and 3000?" I called her out on it saying exactly that no matter how much I make, she always thinks I should be making more, and she's like "well because you used to with Schneider! You're an owner operator so there's no cap on what you can make!"

So at this point, I would say that I'm putting everything I can into getting my online business off the ground, for a few reasons. Obviously to make the money better is one of them, plus time freedom to be with my family, and another reason is to save my marriage. Because, being out here, doing what I'm doing, I cant go on like this, feeling like i'm killing myself doing my job and it's never enough. And then when I make a $900 check and we owe 1800 to rent because we are late and I'm like "we should put as much of that in a money order towards rent", I suggested maybe 650 although 700 or 800 would have made me more comfortable. What did she do? Put 500 in a money order to keep $400 in the account.

So that means we still owe 1300 to rent, and then her car expects a car payment this Friday. $530, which I don't see how it's gonna happen, but when I went to her and said "how will we get both rent, car payment for you, and car insurance covered?" She said "we will figure it out." At this point, I fear her car is going to get repossessed and then she will be yelling at me like it's my fault. I've been, since the beginning when we got her car, like "hey, I told you when we bought the car that I couldn't handle both cars on my own, that I need her help. She said "i'm working overtime almost every week so I think we will be fine." And then she has made no efforts to help with making sure the cars are paid. Honestly I think it'd be better to let her car get repossessed and get her a older car that's paid off and that way she can just drive it around and do like she's doing right now with her current car. It's like "we need to pay the bills!"

Sorry ya'll, I've got so much on my mind and normally I would try to not vent here on my blog but I'm not exactly personally chatting with a ton of people so it's been just building. I do whatever I can to try to de-stress as much as possible so I don't completely either blow, or do something to hurt myself, or end up just snapping and telling her I want a divorce. So ALL of that, is a large part of why I'm working on building an online business because right now I know that (even if she wont admit to it), she wants me to just handle everything and her have the freedom to do whatever she wants. Although I admit I feel like she always just wants more and more, when I get my business to where it'll be, money wont be an issue anymore and so when I'm home and everything is taken care of, sure she can buy what she wants and whatever (within reason of course because if we have say, $100k in the bank I'm not just gonna be like "sure hon go shopping and spend all the money!) I mean we gotta still be frugal with it as much as possible. Get the things we need, get some things that we want, like paid off vehicles, get us into a house instead of an apartment, stuff like that, but not just buy shit all the time. I'm pretty sure that'll be what I'll transition to when we are better off financially will be "do we really need all that?"

So, I admit, it's so nice having another power inverter so I can use my computer out here. Logged on today to send out another marketing email on this account I have where you get 100 leads per day for 1 cent each. So, after 30 days, I'll have 3000 leads, and it'll just keep going from there. I'm curious if i'll actually start seeing income from the affiliate links I'm sending out. Today it went out to 600 leads. The links I'm sending out is me trying to promote services where you sign up for a 2 week trial to try it out and then if just 100 people sign up for the actual service on the cheapest service, I'd make over $40 in commission per month on those customers residual income every month. So the challenge is, get 100 people under you and you'd make over $4,000 a month residual income and could replace your job. Working with this service where I'm getting a lot of leads per day, I'm hoping to not only get a lot more doing the higher service where I'll make over $100 per month income, but I want like 300 people under me so I can be between the $10k to $20k per month income from those customers. That's my goal. And the funny thing is, I only need to see the first few sales to know that these leads will pay off. I figure, it's better than doing nothing. I'm trying all things I can, experimenting wherever I can and just pushing forward. I figure I WILL accomplish what I'm after. It's not a question of IF, but WHEN.

So I think I'll call that it for now. I don't think it'll take much longer for them to finish unloading me and then I'm deadheading back towards Tennessee. I'll be indulging in good ol alcohol while I'm home both today and tomorrow. ;) That's my biggest way of unwinding and trying to let some of the stress go. My venting here definitely helped a little bit so I appreciate ya'll taking the time to read! I'll let ya'll go for now, but we will hopefully chat again soon!

Camped for the night at a truck stop near Knoxville, TN

Hey ya'll! How's it going? Tonight will probably be a short entry (although I always tend to say that and then I go on to write a small book. lol!) The only reason I am going to try (emphasis on try) to keep it short tonight is because it's 11:30 where I'm at, and I really gotta hit the road again by like 6:30 or so. I'm like 4 hours away, and I have till 1400 (2pm) to deliver this load, but I don't want to cut it that close. Technically I could have delivered it today but decided to only go a little ways today.

This load has 2 different loads on it, which basically means 2 pickups both going to the same location. If I had gotten both loads quick, I would have been on the road by like, 11 or so this morning. If I could have gone the 6 hours to deliver and get there by 6pm, then I would have done that today. But I got to my first pickup by like 10:30, and the load wasn't ready till like 11:45. I got to my next pickup by 12:45, and got out of there by 1:45. When walking around my trailer to secure the doors, I did a quick inspection of the tires and noticed one of the trailer tires was separating. I was like "shit!"

However, the tire was still inflated, not sure how exactly. So I figured well I'll hit the road, and within 50 miles I'd go by a loves for fuel and I'd take the equipment in to have the tire replaced. My thought process was if it blew it blew, and I'd just keep going to get it to the shop. I could have taken it into our shop in lebanon but the last time I took one of interstates trailers there for brakes or tires they basically told me they'd get to it the next day. So I told them I'd just take it somewhere else and they tried to tell me that I couldn't take the equipment off their property. I said "i brought it in under the assumption that it'd get right in the shop based on what I was told, and you're telling me it wont be till tomorrow, so I'm leaving with the trailer to take it somewhere that will do the work today."

I needed to get that load delivered first thing the following morning, and if I waited for them then I would have been late.

So damn, a lot has gone on the past few weeks or so since I last was on here. (sorry about how long it's been since my last entry.) Partially due to lack of time with being so busy, partially due to computer issues, or I should say inverter issues. Normally when I'm out here with the computer, I'd plug it into my inverter to charge it up, but I broke the plug on the inverter. I guess I unplugged it from the port too rough or something because the plastic on the end broke and the fuse came out. I found the fuse but didn't have the other pieces to be able to put it back together. So for the past few weeks I basically would charge my computer up when I was home on my 34 hour break and then I'd get like 2 sessions on my computer out here before it'd die and I'd be without the computer till I got home again. Definitely sucks because too often I'll be in the middle of something and it'll be like "sleep mode" and I'll be like "damnit I was so close to finishing! (I know, that's what she said right? :P ).

So anyway, to close up this entry and try to not ramble on for too much longer, I'm still working on building my online business. We hold live, free, online webinars every monday and thursday nights. You should definitely check it out!

register at www.ceazfreedom.com

So anyway, I will call that it for now. I'll try to not let it be so long before I hop on here again! To connect with me other than on here, i'm at facebook.com/ceazfreedom , twitter at patruckerchris , and instagram at surripets.

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day/week/whatever, and I'll talk to you all again soon!

parked for the night at the Petro!

Hey guys! Not sure how long this blog post will be tonight, but I wanted to come on and at least get something posted. How is everyone doing? I'm parked out here at a Petro in North Carolina (i believe its north carolina, might still be in south carolina for a bit. I'm tired, and honestly I don't care. lol

I hope you like the picture I posted. Took it just now because I didn't have have any recent pictures on my phone. Oh well! So, the last 2 days have been fun. Picked up my starbucks load on wednesday, headed to Florida. Got that load delivered yesterday afternoon, did a Facebook live, then took off to head towards Jacksonville. Got within 20 minutes of my budweiser pickup, stopped at TA and grabbed some fuel and a footlong meatball sub and 32 oz drink, and then 2 miles further down was the rest area I parked at last night.

Thankfully tho, when I got to my beer pickup this morning, it was preloaded so I was pretty much in and out. The only issue I had was, shortly after getting there, my stomach was in knots. They have a driver lounge with bathrooms, I've never used them before. So I bobtailed over there and figured first time for everything. The only problem was, I get inside and there's a sticker on the bathroom door saying "no water, do not use." So I'm like "well crap, guess I better hurry my ass up and get out of here!"

I was worried that when I went to scale out tho, that if I'm not legal weight, that I'd have to wait like 2 hours to get in a door and get it readjusted. That's what happened last time I was there. Thankfully this time, everything scaled out just fine. 33,000 lbs on both my drives and tandems, and 11k on my steers, total weight, 78,000 lbs. Didn't have to adjust my tandems or anything so I was like "woohoo!" Thankfully I only had to go like 5 miles north before there was a Loves travel center, was able to hit the bathroom there, grab something to drink and head out.

So anyway, tonight's plan, once I get off the phone with a friend I've been chatting with for the past hour or so, I'm gonna go in and go into the Iron Skillet and get some food. I'm thinking it's a steak and eggs kinda night. Either that or a meatloaf night. Guess I'll decide when I get in there.


So, normally I'd type for longer but tonight I think I'm going to cut this short. I hope you guys all have a good night! Feel free to check out my facebook page tonight as I will probably be doing a Facebook live in like an hour or so.

Take care ya'll and talk to you next time!

Home time

Hey ya'll. Hope everyone is doing well. I'm here on the couch at home, chilling out. Been home 2 days, and tomorrow morning I pick up a load for Florida and take off again. I'm very much looking forward to coming off the road, but I know I have to be patient and just keep working on things, get my online business off the ground, and then I'll be good to go! For now, I will keep working my trucking business and slowly and steadily working on my online business and eventually I will get where I want to be. I know that the most important thing for me to do is to not stop believing that I can. To not stop believing that I will. To just have faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I always say during any of my Facebook Live broadcasts on my business page ( facebook.com/ceazfreedom ), that the only way somebody truly fails is when they give up. Even if it takes you 10 or 20 years to accomplish what you want to accomplish, but you keep working towards it and keep going, when you do get there, and trust me, you will get there if you keep going, you'll feel so good about it. The best example I can use is trucking. When I was a company driver, I wanted to have my own truck so badly. I thought, if I'm going to have to do what I'm doing, and be away from my family, I wanted to be able to do the best that I can. Then I got approved for the IC program with Schneider, signed my lease purchase agreement with my truck at schneider over in Green Bay, and I started picking my own loads and making a ton of money compared to what I did before.

As a company driver, my highest check was like, $800 in a week. Most weeks I made $500, which is still a lot better than when I was with CR England. When I drove for them, I lived off the pay advances because I was barely getting enough miles, and my checks sucked. So, from going company driver with schneider to being an owner op, I went from $500.00 a week to almost $2,000. It was great, money was always really good. Looking back, if I could have done things differently, I would have stashed a lot of money away over the course of that year. Hell! I wish I had this online business opportunity back then because I would have already been up and running, doing online marketing, stockpiling savings, etc. Maybe I'd still be driving, maybe I wouldnt. I dont know! I do know that there is a big chance that when I achieve what I am working towards business and income wise, that I very likely will hang up the keys to the truck, and come home for good.

The main reason for that is because of the physical shape that I am in. I want to get into biking, and lifting weights and being on a strict diet that will help, but I can't do that while I'm on the road. So in order to achieve that, and get in better health so I don't develop diabetes or have a heart attack or something, I need to achieve my goals. There's no "well hopefully I do," no, it's a need. A must. I have to do this. It's like that saying, you have to want to accomplish your dreams, as badly as you want to breath. Well that's how bad I want it! That's how determined I am to pull it off! The only downside? I don't know how long it'll take for me to do it, but I refuse to give up.

So what is everyone up to tonight? I'm watching "13 reasons why" on netflix. I want to get started on Game of Thrones but apparently we need HBO for that and I'm not sure we do. I tried to do it on the Roku, but we have to sign up for a trial or whatever and when I tried to do it, it said our payment method doesn't work. So I'm thinking we don't have one listed yet, but I don't know cuz it was set up by the wife when we switched our phones to att and signed up for Direct TV Stream.

The youngest was hanging out with me down here, but wasn't paying attention to the show. She was on her phone playing minecraft or something (a game of some kind), and when I went up and brought my computer down so I could do this blog post and some other stuff, she was like "i'm gonna go upstairs!" Course me being dad, I'm like "are you sure? I go back on the road tomorrow and you don't wanna hang out?" Being a kid she's like "we did hang out!" Oh well, it's all good. That's one reason why I look forward to being here a lot more so that I can do fun things with the kiddos and wife and just hang out and enjoy eachother's company and never have to wonder "can we afford that?" or any of the other questions one asks themself when they either lack time or money or both. For us right now, it's usually both. Hell, I tapped my truck fund a lot yesterday to help pay rent (cuz we were short,) and to pay the electric bill (cuz apparently we got a notice for today), and then again to pitch in extra towards groceries. I hate tapping the truck fund to do extra at home, because what I really need to do as long as I'm out there running the trucking business is to keep saving and letting that maintenance account build so that should anything happen on the road, I'm in a position to take care of it. Even if it means having to get a hotel for the weekend.

So, I'll admit, right now I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I've got so much on my plate, so much I'm trying to do. Everything in baby steps! One positive thing, my computer was actually a rent to own lease with Aarons. Was a 12 month pay off, and our recent payment was the last one for my computer so WOOHOO! I officially own my HP laptop. Course, it's not my dream computer, and I already figure when I get my business off the ground and money isnt an issue anymore, I'm going to get myself a top of the line laptop. Since I did invest in this laptop by purchasing it, and not just that, but really overpaying for it compared to what its worth Im sure, I had an awakening happen when I visited my parents. I went with my dad to a computer store cuz he needed to get his PC fixed. It was a private computer shop, with desktops and laptops set up and and everything seemed reasonably priced and he fixed stuff too. He talked about how he took laptops with one type of harddrive and put in a different, better type of harddrive and basically made them run better. Once money is not an issue anymore, either before or after I buy the dream laptop, I'll take this one into a computer store and be like "is there anything you can do upgrade wise that would make this a better system?"

I'd get rid of any programs that are bogging it own, which I did get rid of one. This last week I had one program that it kept popping up with errors no matter what I did. So I uninstalled and got rid of it and so far the computer seems to be operating a lot faster. I think the problem with new computers is they often come with a ton of programs that they think you need, but it ends up bogging down what should be a decently fast system. I don't know what else to uninstall at this point, but I do know that getting rid of that one program definitely helped, so hey, baby steps in the right direction.

One other baby step, but this one is with me working towards my online business and coming off the road. I've been trying to build a bigger online presence, which is partially what me being more active here on the blog is for, but then there's my business instagram account, and I have had twitter for a while. I've been trying to do more posts and more hash tags and spreading my links out there even more. I wondered for a while why my twitter account seemed dead, and then recently I was in my personal settings and I noticed that I had it set on private so only people following me could see what I posted. So i made that public, and I went on instagram and twitter and followed some random people and got a few followers that day and have gotten a few since then, so I think now I'm on the right path. If you aren't following me on twitter, look me up.

patruckerchris

yes I know, I'm not in pa anymore. Oh well, lol. Didn't feel like starting a brand new one called TNtruckerchris. lol.

So on that note, I'll post my links for everyone to check out. I already posted my facebook business page but just in case you missed it:

facebook.com/ceazfreedom or click HERE!

And lastly, there's a free book that I think everyone should order and take advantage of! Copy and paste the link:

https://expertsecrets.com/?cf_affiliate_id=713695&affiliate_id=713695 or click HERE!

In closing, I hope ya'll enjoy the pictures I've included in this blog entry. Thanks ya'll and have a great night!

Shout out from Oklahoma!

Hey ya'll! Sorry its been a little while since my last post. Been through some shit again. But, even with that, always remaining positive! I WILL get to where I want to be in my life. I will not stop until I do! I'm gonna make this blog entry short, as it's about 2AM and I gotta get to sleep cuz I'm taking back off tomorrow, but figured I'd hop on here and update you all on what's been going on for the most part. I might not hit on it all, but I'll try to at least do a general summary.

I'm not sure how long after my last entry from South Carolina, but sometime afterwards, I had gotten back to Tennessee, delivered, picked up for Florida again. Got to Petro in Florida, idled my truck the night before and slept good because I had the AC blasting. Got up the next morning, grabbed breakfast, got to my delivery and realized that my AC was starting to warm up a little bit. It still had a slight cool to it, but it was not comfortably cold like it should be. More like, warm with a hint of cool, better than outside but still not like "oh wow I'm so cool!"

It had warmed up significantly by the time I got out of Florida. I got my next pickup, made it only to South Carolina, and I slept with my windows down trying to not run the truck (since I had no AC anyway). It was still hot, I still didn't sleep that well. Got up the next morning, hauled ass for North Carolina. Got my load delivered, got to my next pickup which was going from North Carolina to Lebanon Tennessee, all the while still hot as hell! I mean, I had figured that being like 3 states up from Florida, that the temps should be more mild, but I guess we were in the middle of July, so really, it was still like 100 degrees and I was dying.

Before I got to my NC pickup, I was on my way and something got in my boot and started stinging me through my sock on the big bone on the side of my ankle. Hurt like a bitch! I was literally yelling and hitting my foot against the door. I almost wrecked the truck, but I managed to find a big shoulder, whipped the truck off onto the shoulder, got my boot off, and whatever was stinging me. I think it was a wasp or a hornet because all I saw was black. I didn't take time to look at it because I basically got my boot off, brushed my heal off and stomped the hell out of whatever it was. I honestly didn't care at that point what it was, I just wanted it out of my boot and wanted it dead.

I got my pickup, made it to Knoxville because I was going to run out of hours before nashville and I was dying from the heat! I couldn't sleep in the heat again. So thankfully knoxville, the TA there, has the Idleair units where you hook these things up to your window, and pay like 2.50 per hour, and you can have nice cold AC, power, and wify for your 10 hour break. I payed for that, got set up, walked across the street to grab steak and eggs from Iron Skillet, then slept great having the cab of my truck nice and cold. Didn't want to get up the next morning because I was loving it so much!

Got my load delivered probably by like, 12:30, 1pm, tuesday, and had originally had a load back to Florida wednesday but had had that taken off. Ended up going home after delivering my last load, was home tuesday through the following monday. Because of the heat, I felt like complete shit. I knew if I stayed out and kept trying to work while being hot I was going to end up not only having heat exhaustion but possibly end up with heat stroke as well. So, I made my own executive decision and figured I'm going to come home, drink lots and lots of water, hit the pool whenever possible, and try to recover.

The wife wasn't happy I was off the road so long, but I was like "hey, I have to make sure "i'm" ok, and if I keep working in the heat when I'm already struggling, eventually you'll get a call from either a hospital or from the carrier saying that they found my truck on the side of the road with me dead inside." It's gloomy but I felt that it was true.

So I got the ac fixed, ran for the past 2 weeks, and this past week when I was planning out to the end of the week, I saw a load to florida and a load to oklahoma on friday. Both paying about $1200. I haven't been out this way to see my parents in 6 months, and so I booked the oklahoma load. Been here since Sunday afternoon, meant to leave tuesday, but stayed an extra day. Instead I'll be taking back off tomorrow. Don't have a lot of revenue planned for the week because sadly it came to me having to either deadhead to texas or to kansas to get a load. Nothing at all in Oklahoma through interstate. My sister was giving me crap the whole time saying "i see lots of other trucks and they have loads!" I'm like "yeah but they aren't interstate. "

So, I go out tomorrow, run up to kansas, pick up a load, run to illinois, then pick up a load to pa for Michaels, and from there I'm thinking if I can nab one I'll be grabbing starbucks to get me back towards home.

I'm struggling to be positive about everything because things are so hard currently. Hard financially especially. We both work, but it seems like in order to keep the cars and other bills paid, it's on me. I hate feeling that way and I'm hoping it'll get worked out soon. Theres things, major life changes like divorce and repossessions that I really don't want to happen. In fact I'm fighting like hell to try to keep things like that from happening but when things keep feeling like a struggle, and when it seems like no matter how hard I work, how much I make, we are always broke, I sometimes struggle with the faith.

So, I'm doing my best to hang in there, and not give up, not give in, but some days are more of a struggle than others. I just wish I knew what to do that didn't involve me coming off the road and basically trading one career that takes all my time and energy leaving little for the family, to another career that basically does the same. Whats the point? There's no point to come off the road and maybe be home at night but otherwise always be gone or busy and tired and stressed and things never improving. Hell! I'm pretty sure my other half , especially when she talks to her mom in ks, I'm pretty sure she blames me for our financial difficulty even though I know for a fact i'm the reason that our cars, at least our camry hasn't been repossessed. I'm the one that the responsibility of "making the calls to the bills to work things out," has been placed on because "i'm the breadwinner." Well you know what? Some days, being the breadwinner is such a bunch of shit! We are both working, and I wish that it didn't feel like I have to 1) give everything that the other half wants, and 2) still figure out a way to pay for it all. basically blood from a turnip. I'm just so frustrated that some days I'll admit, I heavily consider things that would forever change things between me and my family. I just would fear how things would be afterwards, allimony and stuff like that I've heard can be a real bitch.

So i dunno. Sorry to rant on you all, but I've just had a lot on my mind. So I'll close with that, I hope you all are having a wonderful night/morning. I'll do my best to not let it be so long b4 the next entry. I would have come on here a few days ago, but my computer acted up. Would let me log into windows, but then the desktop would just be black. I had to restore it back to a previously saved version. That took like 6 hours. Then i kept getting a popup error for this anti-malware program. So, tonight, I figured out how to find that program, and i uninstalled the fucker! I'll look through other programs and see if there's other stuff that i can uninstall that might be dragging my computer down. I went with dad the other day to a computer shop and we dropped his computer off to get fixed. It got a virus or something. I love my computer at times, cuz sometimes it works great. Other times it'll take 5 minutes to load and I'm like "WTF?!?!?!!" I'm at the point where if I got the funds, I honestly might just go buy another computer, and keep this one as a backup. But maybe I'll take this one into a computer shop and see if there's anything that can be done to make my computer run the way it should. It's a slightly new computer, only a year since I bought it from Aarons, and it shouldn't have issues like this. I think there's just so much "preventative" crap put on it that it's almost counter productive. It's like "lets put these 20 anti this or anti that programs on here!" Then the computer acts like it doesnt have any speed at all when it actually has decent specs and should run just fine!

So, yeah, on top of the issues at home, and still working to get my online business off the ground, there's the computer issue. I'm just glad I got it working again by restoring to the previously saved point. Otherwise I wouldn't be on here right now!

So anyway, take care yall, and i'll catch ya'll next time. Enjoy some of the pics I took while here!