April 15th, 2010 Day 9

Good afternoon everybody. We are now on day 9 of my year long quest. Last night I tried something new. Usually while I am at work, I randomly come across things, or have thoughts that I have the urge to write about. So here we go readers.

First topic of discussion. Cigerettes. Cigerettes and smoking are horrible and should be avoided. Not only is it addiction, but it eventually kills you. There is a guy I work with. His name is Dick, and he is one of the overnight Maintenance guys I work with. He is one seriously heavy smoker. I have thought that before, based on seeing him outside taking a smoke break every so often through out the night, but not nearly as much as I saw him last night. I saw him outside on a smoke break twice within a twenty minute period. He was outside the first time when I got done with partroling the parking lot. Then when I was walking through the hospital checking the doors, I came through another hall way and passed one of the glass doors. Outside was, yup, you guessed it, Dick with yet another staff member out on a smoke break. I remember thinking to myself "Damn! Two cigerettes in a half hour!" About 1 or 2 months ago Dick went through a major surgery. He had been having pain in his chest and when they operated on him, his arteries were at least 70% blocked. He said the doctor told his wife to prepare for the worst because it could go either way. Yet, even after going through that surgery, he is one of the heaviest smokers I know. It is sad to think that he is only killing himself by doing this, but I couldn't help it. If you are a smoker and disagree, then I apologize, but everyone is entitled to their oppinion right? This would be mine. My grandparents both died from smoking related illnesses.

Second topic of the day is this. Doubt. I have a really big problem with this. It is so easy for me to doubt myself. Some days it is harder for me to motivate myself to do the writing and stuff that I'm trying to do. It doesn't mean that I don't want to do it. I do. It just means that when I sit down to write, if I get what you would call "writers block," sometimes it makes me doubt that I can do it. Through reading the novel I finished last night, I can see that there is no wrong way to write when you are writing a book. Whatever you love to do, if you do it from the heart, then you are doing it right.

When I sat down to continue adding to my book, I decided that I was just going to let my mind wander and my fingers type. I went from page 67 to page 72. When I am able to let myself go like that, it is almost like an out of body experience. It is like the words and events flow onto the screen without much effort on my end. When I finally come to a stopping point, the first thing I notice is the small but pleasant ache in my hands from all the typing. I say pleasant because it is what I do. I write, and I want to do it for a living. In order to do that, I must work hard at it. Practice Practice Practice.

So on that note, I will bring this entry to an end. The lesson for today is in 2 parts. 1) Smoking is horrible. Don't do it! If you do, you really should consider trying to quit. It won't be easy, but I know you can do it. It's just my oppinion. Take it as you will. 2) Doubt. Don't doubt yourself. Have faith in yourself. I realized this recently and told myself just to let it out. To not hold back, and to not allow myself to doubt. I know that I'm a good writer. I just need to continue on the path I'm on, and believe in myself.

I will write more for you all tomorrow.

Thanks for being here.

CB