Almost time for a change in pace

Well, again, I apologize for the length of time that I have been away. I guess depending on how things are going, and how busy I am, I get really lazy at times. A lot has happened over the past 6 months or so *havent looked at the date of my last post so I'm not sure how long its been, but i'm pretty sure not that long*. Not sure if I will be able to cover everything in this entry, but I will see what I can do. Still lazy, so that might pose a problem. LOL! Well, for the past 7 months, I have been driving as an Independent Contractor for CR England. My lease is up in the next 18 months, and then my plan was to then start making payments for the next year after that to "own" the truck. Owning my truck basically would mean that i'd make over $800 extra on my pay checks because 500 was for the truck payment each week, and then probably over $300 on top of that because of the 14 cents variable mileage that england charges right now, that they wont when I own. So that was what I was looking forward to. Over the past few months though, I've reconnected with God, and am constantly trying to do even better. Some days are easier than others, but what I've learned through me studying God's word, and praying constantly, and worshiping him to the best of my ability, giving Him all my strength, loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and all my strength. There were days when I had just delivered, it was late at night, and I had a pickup for that night right afterwards, and so I was like, "i'm going to push myself, i'm giving you everything I have Lord, I'm giving you all my strength till I get to the point where I literally crawl back in the back in my sleeper and go to sleep.

I starte devoting as much time as I possibly could to giving it to God. I try to study in my bible every day. Some days its harder than others. Take last night for instance. After telling Ash that I was sorry for whatever I did, or didnt do, or whatever, and that I was going to go offline on the chat programs for a while because I was having trouble holding on to a friendship that she seemed to let go of by completely ignoring and not wanting to talk to me, but that I would always be here and all she has to do is text me asking me to come onto yahoo or whatever and I will come on, but that the ball is officially in her court. I still cant explain what happened between she and i because one day it seemed like things were fine, then a day or two later she was refusing to talk to me and said she was bothered, so meh, I figure, God is in control, and he knows what he is doing. Ashley in my life bonding with me a few months back pulled me out of a dark place while out here alone on the road, and I constantly prayed for her and her family and from what I've heard and noticed *and i cant say 100%* but it sounded to me especially recently that things have improved between her and her family drastically, and so I have faith that God has been working in her life.

So anyway, moving on, as I figure its a life situation that isnt worth focusing on right now because as far as I can tell, its something that I can not change, and also, you cant focus on the future if you are looking at the past. Also, I figure, the way that Ash and I were brought closer as friends was so sudden and out of the blue, that neither of us understood why it happened like that, the only thing we could explain it was that God had a reason for it. And the falling out recently was just as fast as the coming together, and for a while during my drive shift the other day, I was actually heartbroken for a while until suddenly it was like God opened my eyes and I realized that He is in control of everything, and that obviously there is a reason for everything that happens, and obviously He used Ash to ground me and help me pull back to God, and He used me through my renewed and stronger than ever faith to send constant prayers Ash's way for her and her family. And now a new path is layed out for me and apparently its time for me to embrace that and keep moving forward. Not everyone that God brings into your life is brought into your life permanently. God brings people into your life for a little while to teach you a lesson, to help you grow, or to show you why you need Him so much. So, do I consider Ash a friend? Always. I've known her for a while, and werent always as close as we became months back. However, I told her that I would always be here for her if she ever needs me *which is how i am as a friend*, and I figure, if God's plan for us is for us to not talk anymore, then it'll be so, but if He plans for us to reconnect as friends then it'll happen, so instead of worrying about it, I'm just moving forward and walking in faith!

So onward! so, being here here on the road alone has been tough. I'd say it has been a really big challenge for me. Thank you God for the strength to do it! I knew being away from my family would be hard, but being away from my family, putting in long hours, no days off really, while at the same time, not making much money at all and having trouble to pay the bills, which usually resulted in Erin and I butting heads because of money. Over the past couple months though, things have still been tight, but with my ever growing faith in the Lord, and trying to better myself as far as ways of thinking, things I was into, etc, that I was slowly trying to change for the better in God's eyes. So, over the past 4 weeks, I receive 3 job offers to drive for other companies. One was with Sneider, out 6 days, home 3 days, which sounded good. The big problem was the local yard i'd have to get to here in pa is 2 hours away, and that would have been a problem, so at first, I didnt share the news with erin because I wasnt feeling it, and didnt want to fight about it. I wanted to keep working hard and keep having faith and figured if it was meant to be, eventually God would present an opportunity that when I saw it, I would go "wow, there it is!" Well after turning down that job, I got a call from USA Trucking, and that was home 4 days a month, and i thought "thats not too bad," but still didnt feel right about it. Then got a call from JBHunt, and this one was out 12 days, home 2 days. I thought "that's not too bad either," but I couldnt bring myself to decide, I kept thinking "i really hate to leave england, I dont want to give up what i've worked hard for with my lease, and love the idea of owning my truck.

So, come this last sunday, God acted on my heart and I suddenly thought "ok I either need to take a company driver job with another company, or I need to become a trainer with England." I really wasnt feeling like I wanted to be a trainer, but i was willing to, but I felt more strongly about the JBHunt opportunity. So the next morning when I hit the road, I called jbhunt and talked to the recruiter that had called me and wanted to talk about the 12 days out, and 2 days home. He explained that there was another job possibility that just came open an hour earlier that normally I didnt qualify for because the job normally required 18 months experience, but it had been changed and I qualified now. I was like "well tell me about it if you would please." He was like "its local" i was like "really... thats good, what else?" He was like "home nightly, two nights off per week, salary around 54,000 and you'd average about 1,080 per week, sometimes more from what other drivers have told me." I was like "wow. That sounds great. One question, is there a sign on bonus?" he was like "yup, $1,000 sign on bonus." I was like "dang.. That sounds too good to be true!" He was like "its for real man! Are you interested?" I was like "I'm definitely interested!" It felt like God had reached out, padded me on the shoulder and said "see? arent you glad I hardened your heart so you didnt jump at the other opportunities that came up the past few weeks? Glad you trust and have faith in me now I bet eh?" I remember, after talking to the recruiter, then being transfered to the lady running my background check, I stopped at a truckstop because I saw it had Long John Silvers and I havent eaten at one of those in years! When I got my food, and got back to the truck, before I got back on the road, I went in back, and knelt in prayer to thank God for not only hardening my heart against the other offers, but for his blessings in our lives, and that I knew things would work out and be ok, that I just had to have Faith and Trust in Him.

Ever since that day, I got a ticket from a cop for going over a bridge that i was too heavy for *I didnt realize it*, and while the cop was writing the ticket, I was shaking *I seem to always be shaky when I'm dealing with cops giving me a citation. I dont know why. I was sitting in the driver seat while the cop was back in his car writing the citation, and my leg was shaking something fierce. I was like "wow, cmon!" while i tried to put my hand firmly on my leg to help it stop shaking. Then I got up, climbed in back, and knelt down in prayer basically saying "Lord I give it all to you, all my worries, cares and stresses, and yes I'm freaking out right now, but I know that there is a reason for everything, and you are in control,and obviously there is something you want me to learn from this, so I give it all to you Lord, and will do whatever you want me to do.

So, right now I'm sitting at a TA (travel centers of America) here in Ohio. I'm sitting for a 34 hour reset till tomorrow morning. I got some good sleep last night and this morning, I got up at 5 AM and went in to submit my trip packs to payroll before they would come in for the day, and then I came back out to the truck, studied my bible for about 40 minutes, and then went back to sleep. Didnt get up till about 11, but with my awesome amount of sleep lately *sarcasm :P * i've noticed if i sleep late, i still can go to sleep at night without problem. Then I went into the truck stop, ate brunch first at the restaurant inside ta, which basically i had what they call the "long haul breakfast" which is a bisquit and gravy, 2 sausage patties, hashbrowns, french toast, and two eggs. For a while, most ta's i ate at *which wasnt "often" but i tried to whenever i could*, they would actually offer you a 2nd helping for free. like, any part of your meal you could order 2nds, or thte whole thing if you wanted. I did order 2nds a few times, usually more bisquits and gravy, and sausage. One time i got extra hashbrowns. When I first started eating at that restaurant, usually i would end up getting the cat fish fillet dinner, but what can I say? I'm more a breakfast guy. I loooooooove fried fish, but the breakfast with the bisquits and gravy, hashbrowns, eggs, and french toast and sausage patties beats that meal ten times over. Gonna miss that kind of breakfast being back home because unless we go to ihop, there's not too many places that you can eat like that, but at the same time, there's chinese at home which I havent had in forever and I looooove chinese, so I'm looking forward to that occasionally.

So in conclusion, yup, many things changing very rapidly, but they are changes that I am welcoming with open arms. I'm looking so forward to them. In fact, lately, especially after the change God brought between Ash and I, I've been looking even more forward to turning the truck in and going home and starting the new job. That is going to be wonderful. Its been about 2.5 months or so since I was home last. I hadnt planned on being able to get home for many many more months, and I was willing to do it, willing to do whatever God wanted me to do, work as hard as I could to give everythign I have to God and just glorify him and not complain, but thank him that i was in fact working, and that Erin was in fact working, and that we have a house with a landlord that is gracious enough to work with us as far as the rent has gone and not kicking us out, and the bills have been gracious enough to work with us so that we wouldnt get shut off, but would do the best we can, and now things are about to change, bills will get caught up on, things taken care of, our landlord appeased, and things just improving over all. So, Thank you Lord for your constant work in our lives, and I will contrinue to reach for you and lift your name up on high. On that note, I will talk to you all again next time. I wish you all a wonderful day, God bless you, and see you again soon!