Coffee Coffee Coffee

Hey all! I'm up here in Pineville North Carolina. Just got put in a dock and am being unloaded. Apparently this load is entirely coffee. Normally when I haul starbucks its a combination of stuff. Usually when I haul an entire load of coffee or sugar i'm at the roasting plant up in PA, which we don't haul out of anymore because Big G Express underbid everyone. So when I saw this load out of the roasting plant in South Carolina, 100 miles paying $300, I was surprised. But, I went ahead and booked it. I'm still gonna be deadheading back towards Tennessee because there's nothing till tomorrow out here and i'm down to like 30 hours on my 70, and if I'm gonna sit around anywhere, I'd much rather do it at home.

And this day off at home will be very interesting. Erin and the girls are on the road headed to PA right now to spend the week visiting the fam up there. I'm doing my duty and staying out working to try to keep working on the paychecks. Too many bils to be paid and sadly it usually seems like I'm the main one trying to figure out how to get them covered. I'm the saver mostly, where as the wife is the free spirit so she wants to be able to do stuff and buy stuff and loves her car but I'm the one going "how are we going to pay for it?"

So that's my stress currently is pretty much the money side of things and wondering how we will do this or how we will do that, and the wife is like "we will figure things out." I'm like "um. ok.. how?" I mean its easy to say "we will figure it out" and then just don't do anything. I can constantly say I'm trying to make things better for us, but then keep doing what I'm doing. Then in a year from now, we will still be where we are now, struggling, not the best marriage, not the best finances, me always away from home, them still freaking taking vacations while I stay out here and work (that's the biggest thing I am spiteful about lately because that's two trips in a row that I couldn't go for.) She went up to Kansas for her birthday, and then now she's going up to pa for her bio mom and grandma's birthdays and yet here again, I'm out here because we cant afford me taking time off. It's the same saying every time. "Obviously we would love to have you there, but we understand that you have to work."

Then I talk to her about how I'm working on building an online business so I can come off the road, be home with them, and stop missing things like this, and its "everything online is a scam, I think you should just stay out there in the truck and keep working on the business you've been out there doing for 6 years and try to make that better.)

Another thing I am not happy about is, no matter what I do out here, how much I make, it's never enough for her. I can make $1000, and she's like "you used to make $2000 a week with Schneider." I could make $1500 or so and it's "why can't you push to make between 2000 and 3000?" I called her out on it saying exactly that no matter how much I make, she always thinks I should be making more, and she's like "well because you used to with Schneider! You're an owner operator so there's no cap on what you can make!"

So at this point, I would say that I'm putting everything I can into getting my online business off the ground, for a few reasons. Obviously to make the money better is one of them, plus time freedom to be with my family, and another reason is to save my marriage. Because, being out here, doing what I'm doing, I cant go on like this, feeling like i'm killing myself doing my job and it's never enough. And then when I make a $900 check and we owe 1800 to rent because we are late and I'm like "we should put as much of that in a money order towards rent", I suggested maybe 650 although 700 or 800 would have made me more comfortable. What did she do? Put 500 in a money order to keep $400 in the account.

So that means we still owe 1300 to rent, and then her car expects a car payment this Friday. $530, which I don't see how it's gonna happen, but when I went to her and said "how will we get both rent, car payment for you, and car insurance covered?" She said "we will figure it out." At this point, I fear her car is going to get repossessed and then she will be yelling at me like it's my fault. I've been, since the beginning when we got her car, like "hey, I told you when we bought the car that I couldn't handle both cars on my own, that I need her help. She said "i'm working overtime almost every week so I think we will be fine." And then she has made no efforts to help with making sure the cars are paid. Honestly I think it'd be better to let her car get repossessed and get her a older car that's paid off and that way she can just drive it around and do like she's doing right now with her current car. It's like "we need to pay the bills!"

Sorry ya'll, I've got so much on my mind and normally I would try to not vent here on my blog but I'm not exactly personally chatting with a ton of people so it's been just building. I do whatever I can to try to de-stress as much as possible so I don't completely either blow, or do something to hurt myself, or end up just snapping and telling her I want a divorce. So ALL of that, is a large part of why I'm working on building an online business because right now I know that (even if she wont admit to it), she wants me to just handle everything and her have the freedom to do whatever she wants. Although I admit I feel like she always just wants more and more, when I get my business to where it'll be, money wont be an issue anymore and so when I'm home and everything is taken care of, sure she can buy what she wants and whatever (within reason of course because if we have say, $100k in the bank I'm not just gonna be like "sure hon go shopping and spend all the money!) I mean we gotta still be frugal with it as much as possible. Get the things we need, get some things that we want, like paid off vehicles, get us into a house instead of an apartment, stuff like that, but not just buy shit all the time. I'm pretty sure that'll be what I'll transition to when we are better off financially will be "do we really need all that?"

So, I admit, it's so nice having another power inverter so I can use my computer out here. Logged on today to send out another marketing email on this account I have where you get 100 leads per day for 1 cent each. So, after 30 days, I'll have 3000 leads, and it'll just keep going from there. I'm curious if i'll actually start seeing income from the affiliate links I'm sending out. Today it went out to 600 leads. The links I'm sending out is me trying to promote services where you sign up for a 2 week trial to try it out and then if just 100 people sign up for the actual service on the cheapest service, I'd make over $40 in commission per month on those customers residual income every month. So the challenge is, get 100 people under you and you'd make over $4,000 a month residual income and could replace your job. Working with this service where I'm getting a lot of leads per day, I'm hoping to not only get a lot more doing the higher service where I'll make over $100 per month income, but I want like 300 people under me so I can be between the $10k to $20k per month income from those customers. That's my goal. And the funny thing is, I only need to see the first few sales to know that these leads will pay off. I figure, it's better than doing nothing. I'm trying all things I can, experimenting wherever I can and just pushing forward. I figure I WILL accomplish what I'm after. It's not a question of IF, but WHEN.

So I think I'll call that it for now. I don't think it'll take much longer for them to finish unloading me and then I'm deadheading back towards Tennessee. I'll be indulging in good ol alcohol while I'm home both today and tomorrow. ;) That's my biggest way of unwinding and trying to let some of the stress go. My venting here definitely helped a little bit so I appreciate ya'll taking the time to read! I'll let ya'll go for now, but we will hopefully chat again soon!