April 10th, 2010 Day 4

3 days down; We are officially on Day 4. I'm going to start this entry first with talking about being distracted. When I'm at work and read and write, I usually am alone and have no trouble keeping focus on what I am doing. Currently, as I write this blog I am sitting in the family room at home. I am sprawled out length wise on the couch. My wife, Erin is lounging on the recliner. I love the weekend off after finishing the work week. I was just thinking about the fact that although the motivation and desire to write is there, it is hard as hell to do it. Harder in fact than when I'm at work. Now, what I wonder is, what 'exactly' is keeping me distracted? Is it the tv? Being at home around other people? I guess it could be pretty much anything. What I personally believe is the distraction is the tv. Off and on, I tend to look up in order to keep track of what is going on. So, apparently it is harder to do my work at home while trying to hang out and relax. But, it must be done.

So last night while I was working, I found myself thinking about the idea of change. Change can be a good thing, can it not? I believe the saying is "Change is good." What do you think? Do you like change? In your current life situation, do you think change would be good or bad? I guess it all depends on the change. Take last night for instance. When I was making my patrols, I could see the obvious changes that had taken place. For example, ever since I started as a guard here, the staff has changed a lot. There were certain receptionists for the first two months. They were always the same ones. One of them became a tech and so she no longer works the desk. She also works 2nd shift instead of 3rd, so she's no longer on my shift. There is another gal that was always on the desk, but I think her shift has changed too because sometimes I see her over night, other times I see her maybe for an hour and thats it. With them no longer being on the same shift or same job, other people are now working the desk. These new people, from my experience so far, are more of the standoff'ish types. They are the kind of people that look at you and then just nod and turn away, like their saying "oh you, hi." So at my job, the change has not necesarily been that good.

Now my life on the other hand, I'm looking forward to that change.

I'm sure you all will have already noticed the picture posted up top. I wasn't sure if I would see anything else that caught my eye, especially ones that weren't like the first two I posted. This one though seems more captivating than others. Maybe its the water effects of the picture. I don't know. What it looks like to me is maybe a pool. Yes that could be it. Perhaps a swimming pool, the light glistening off the water. If you look close enough you can almost see the reflections of the clouds and stuff. Beside the pool, my favorite part is the grass or shrubbery that has grown up beside it.

I can't explain why I have felt drawn to post pictures. I guess the way I'm approaching my plan, and this blog, is that no matter where I am at I keep an open mind. I do this with the hope that random thoughts and ideas will come pouring in, more I can write and express myself about.

Last night at work, I was doing some reading while taking a break. The maintenance guy was down in the office taking a break as well. He turned to me and was like "I realized where you live exactly." I was like "Oh?" to which he responded with "You really don't live far at all do you! Why do you drive?" I was like "Well, we are not allowed to use the trucks here at the hospital, and I have to take at least two trips down to south campus through out the night." He nodded, suddenly seeming to understand where I was coming from. I continued. "You see, if I was using the company trucks like we were allowed to do when I first started working here, I would probably walk the one block to work because I wouldn't have to drive my own truck down to the other campus. But since I have to use my own truck, I'm lazy and really don't want to walk home to get my truck, then park it back there again and walk back. It's a few extra minutes I would rather spend doing other stuff."

Living so close to where I work is a big plus. It comes with its downsides though. We have to use our own vehicles to patrol around in, and the company doesn't reimburse us for gas cost. I'm told by my parents and everyone else that technically by law companies are required to reimburse for gas if you have to use your own vehicle. Well, I'm living testimony that it does not happen with me. Am I going to complain? No. Why? Because I am thankful simply to be working. Yes I do not make as much as I would like, but I'm happy to just have my job. I intend to stay as long as possible. I would only consider leaving if I came across a job that was much higher in pay and included health benefits. Then it'd be on the table.

Here's what's going on today. As far as the blog, I've written. As far as my book, I haven't yet, but once my computer recharges (I have been on it for a while today and it's now getting low), I really want to get back on and do some work on it. Have not yet, and that part bugs me a little bit. As far as going to the Y, I decided to maybe go a different route today. There are 2 reasons for that. 1) I have no idea where my actual running shoes are. I have been looking for them all over, so far with out any success. 2) Because of that, when I went to the Y on thursday, I ran on the treadmill using my shoes that were a little nicer. Not really the type of shoes you should run in, and oh boy did I feel it later. Not only did my legs burn that night, but all day yesterday at work I was hurting.

So mini lesson for ya, which I'm sure everyone is already aware of. If you are going to work out, wear the appropriate work out gear. Not doing so will cause you much greater discomfort than you need to go through. I figured "what the heck? It's hopefully juts one time, what harm can it do?" Well now I know, and so do you.

So tonight I figure Erin, myself, Ally and Zoe will take the dog and head out to the river walk path. Hopefully they fixed the lights from last year. Last year the lights were all out. I heard rumors that this year they were working. We will see. Maybe we will bring a flashlight with us just in case. So tonight, that will be my form of exercise that I have vowed to do. I didn't want to not do anything, but I just hurt so bad throughout the night that the idea of getting on the treadmill today just sounded horrible to me. Working out and exercising should not be something that you dread. If you dread it, then why are you doing it? It's as though we would be simply working out till we were in an early grave, despite the fact that we might hate what we are doing. Personally one thing I would love to get back into is biking. When I was in Maryland just before I got discharged, I bought a mountain bike from Walmart. I began riding my bike to work every day and back. It was atleast a mile and a half one way, so after a few weeks of doing that it actually helped me get into really good shape. I could run harder without having had to kill myself running the first few times. That is precisely the reason I don't like to run is because when you haven't for so long, it seems like you are going to die trying to catch your breath the first time.

Last Friday, I was trying to call out to someone on the phone and I missed a call from Maintenance a few minutes after my shift started. When I met up with him a little later, he said that he would really appreciate it if I were to touch base with him when I get in so that if he needs me I can come up and take over for him right away. I said sure why not, made sure I knew the code to page him with, and went on my way. When I came in Wednesday, he told me he owed me an apology. I figured it was for Friday night but I was wrong. He told me the other guard came in on my off day, and the maintenance guy requested the same thing from him. The guard asked why, and he told him how he couldn't reach me on the phone that one time. Well, the maintenance guy said that the guard (He used the word "Doosh") went and looked up the phone calls, and then called the boss and said the maintenance guy reported me as being late, which I was not. Then he went back and told the maintenance guy that the boss said thanks. He looked at the guard and asked what made him think he was saying 1) that I was late, which he had not said, and 2) that he was telling him he should say anything about it to the boss? Well after some very tense conversation between the two of them, the maintenance guy told me that he and the other guard are not speaking right now. He was like "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how big a doosh that guy was and I shouldn't have said anything."

I was just like "Well, he has been here a month longer than me, but has called in about 4 times, maybe more. I've covered for him, without him taking any of my shifts to make up for it." Then I was like "I'm tempted to message him, but I'm just going to let it go and move on. The boss never said a word to me, so I'm guessing that they blew him off or whatever, since they know me well by now. I have never missed a shift, have covered for others, and have already been Guard of the Month when I first started. For instance, when I find a door unlocked, if it is just simply unlocked and nobody is in there, I relock it and figure there's no need for much else." He responded with "That's because you're one of the few guards that have been here with a solid head on your shoulders." I was like "Thank you very much, that means a lot."

That goes along with honoring your employer. I do the best I can for them, and they see it.

I'm sure there is more but right now I feel like I'm digging for stuff to write about. Damn writer's block. ;) I'm sure after I re-read this and see the length I will be blown away like I was last night.

So lesson for today is this. Be willing to walk away. Can you change something by going after those that have stabbed you in the back? Sure, but is it worth it? Not usually. When I mentioned that I walk away, to the maintenance guy, he said that there was a while the hospital employed their own as guards. They had two of them just like we have now, and the two always bickered back and forth. One would say the other did something wrong. Then the other would fire back with something he thought the other guard did. Eventually, the boss at the hospital just said "Since neither of you can do the job, you're both fired." And then he went back to the security company I'm employed through.

So, if you do the best that you can, and do it right then the people above will know. I know it can be tempting to return fire, but sometimes the true saying is It takes the bigger man - or woman - to walk away. The way I see it is that the person trying to make you look bad will eventually shoot themselves in the foot. If there is no proof for their claims, then eventually when they don't get a response that they want they will try harder. Eventually the bosses see their desperate attempts to get the other co-worker in trouble and they usually will get rid of them instead. Maybe in the past this has resulted differently, but usually this is the way it works. Just trust me. Walk away. Be the bigger person. Do your best. Simple as that. God will help you through the struggles, and punish those who are trying to come against you unjustly. I will write for you all again tomorrow.

Thanks for being here!

CB