Day 33

It's amazing how much the apparent need for naps increases as you get older. Sleep is one of those things that I look at now as being golden. In the past I still loved sleep, but it was no where near what I think of it now. When I was in High School, did I try to sleep in on the weekends? Sure! But the funny thing was this. I have always been some what of a night owl. I would stay up till 3 or 4 some nights depending on what I was doing, go to bed and try to sleep till noon. Of course, my dad would usually flip my light on around 9 or 10 saying "Time to get up Chris! It's late! Got a lot of things to do today!" Of course, we didn't always have that much to do, but that was what he said.

Today when I finally got to bed just before 8 this morning, I slept till about 1:30 when my alarm went off. I hit snooze, and went back to sleep till 1:45. I actually was awake enough that I could have gone to today's class. Days left include: Today, monday, and wednesday. All we are doing is further going over the paper that she already went over with me on. My initial thought when I got up at 1:45 was that I wanted to go back to bed for another hour or two, email my teacher and tell her that I would email her the draft she already saw, and that I would see her on Monday. At this point, we are basically not doing anything else, and I really did not feel up to driving all the way across town to do what I was already doing on my own, so I emailed out. Did I initially plan to go? Yup. When it comes down to it, the idea of getting extra sleep will usually win out, especially with how I work nights, sleep days, etc.

I'm really looking forward to next month. First week of June is when my online classes start. Finally I will be able to work a little faster towards my bachelors degree. Also, just after I start classes, the civil service testing for the deputy sherriff's position takes place. From what I understand, there is a written test and then a physical agility test that consists of pushups, situps, and 1 1/2 mile timed run. I have already been working towards getting in better shape for the past 2 weeks, but now that I have seen the info packet with the application that explained the physical tests, I know I need to get out and run, pushing myself more and more so that when the time comes I will be able to breeze right through it. I didn't follow through with applying to the police department, I want to follow through and complete this. Who knows? I could get hired! If I did, I would make more than I did working for Schwans and probably much better hours. Plus, and this is a big bonus for Erin and I, Employer paid health and life insurance! :-D

I do really enjoy my job as a security officer. I decided a long time ago that I would really only leave for a really good job offer. When I left my last security job for schwans, I knew the hours were going to suck. I thought only of the money. If I had also strongly thought of the hours, the being away from my family, the stress involved, I may have decided to stay with the college security position, continueing to work on my online degree with Ashford University, and by now probably being at least a year away from my bachelors in teaching. But, a different choice was made, and now I am where I am. All I can do is continue working towards my goals.

So today, when I came downstairs around 2, Erin, Zoe, and I went to pick up her paycheck. We headed over to the check cashing place to cash it and have it put on one of their cards. The card we got was basically a waste because we tried to make a payment onto our verizon account and the card wouldn't work. We thought "ok, we will try it later" and went over to pick up some food from Arbys. They tried to run the card there and again said "insufficient funds." So we ended up going to an atm, withdrawing the money off the card instead because obviously it had issues.

When we got home, Lex had just gotten home and was waiting outside playing. Tonight Erin dropped her off at the YWCA. There was this sleep over thing going on with her after school program, taking place at the Y from 7:30 pm till tomorrow morning at 7:30. Initially I was going to go ahead and crash when I get off tomorrow morning, and Erin was going to pick her up at 7:30, but Lex's soccer game is at 9. So I'm thinking, as much as it will suck for me, I'm thinking I will just force myself to remain awake till we get past her game and then I will go to bed. The idea of going to bed after being up for an all night shift, and not having a set time when I "Have" to wake up, sounds better than any time I have gone to bed and only had 2 or 3 hours to sleep before having to get up. Chances are I may end up sleeping till 4 or 5 tomorrow evening but oh well. I will try not to sleep quite that long though. Erin actually has this weekend off and I want us to go to church on sunday. It will be the first time in a few weeks since we last went. I'm weird, I prefer not to go to church unless we are all able to go. I've gone with just the girls before, and I'm willing to again, I just prefer to have Erin there with us too.

So tonight I'm going to try something. Lately I have noticed that it feels really hard to get on the computer and convince myself to write. Thankfully I have still been able to motivate myself to do my blog entries every day. However, my book has not really been updated too much in a few days. I have opened it up a few times and started typing, and then lost interest, or my mind was blank, and ended up saving and closing it again. I want to write both the blog, and the book every night. I don't know what the issue is. So tonight I want to do something. I'm going to do some descriptive writing. I don't know how much it will end up being. However, what I'm going to do is describe the weather for today, and what I was thinking and feeling this morning when I got off and was waiting for Lex. Ready? Here goes.

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The time is currently 6:20 AM. I just got off work, and drove back home. It rained hard throughout my entire shift, and although the sun was up, I can not see much of it. There are many dark clouds filling the sky. The day was going to be a gloomy one indeed. It was almost as though there was a grey blanket that had been pulled over the veil that was the sky, and now the light of the day was nothing more than a very gray glow.

Here I am now, sitting in the chair. I have already gone upstairs, turned Lex's light on, told her that her cereal is ready and waiting for her, and came back down. I have turned on the TV, the wii, put the next episode of hercules on. When I initially came into the family room, the lamp had been on. I wanted the room as dark as possible, because it is easy for me to relax when it is dark. Light keeps me awake. I reached down with my right hand, feeling for the lever. Feeling it, I pulled it, causing the foot rest of the recliner to extend. Ah. So comfy! I can see how Erin can so easily nap in this chair. Without the light of the lamp, and the light of the tv being the only light, the room was still pretty dark. I could see into the kitchen, but it was really dim in there as well. I left a single lamp on near the kitchen table for Lex.

As hercules started to play, I thought "I should get my laptop and get online," but of course, with the gloomy day causing the nicely dimmed room, I was too relaxed. I did not want to move. All I wanted to do was stay exactly where I was, and enjoy two things. The comfy position I was in, and the show I enjoy so much. This was the life. I wish it was possible to feel that relaxed all the time, but unfortunately too many things are going on in life, that Erin and I now occasionally will be getting cheap massages from our close friend every few weeks. Erin had hers just yesterday and apparently it helped her a lot. I don't remember it helping her as much the first time, but maybe I'm just not remembering it correctly. As I recall, it was gloomy yesterday as well while she was at her appointment. The main difference was it really was not raining at that point. It was just the "promise" of rain. Thankfully before the official rain came, Erin was able to get her mother's day plants in the ground in her garden.

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With the overcast day, the temperature gradually got much cooler. When I woke up, it felt really cold downstairs. I looked at the thermastat and it said the temp in the house was 63. Thinking of the kids, I went ahead and flipped the switch back to heat. It had been in the "off" position for a little while. Usually whenever it cooled down outside briefly, the house was still comfortable. When it stays cold for a day or longer, then the house slowly gets cold, and hense, the heat is required. Mid 60's is good. I have always had a saying. You can always throw more clothes and blankets on, but you can only take so much off. The hotter it is, the more you have to take off. If you take everything off, then eventually thats it. You can't take off any more, and yet you might still be burning up. Where as in the cold, you can throw on another shirt, a sweater even, a blanket or two, and eventually you will find the amount of layers that helps.

Time to close this long entry. Tonight about an hour and a half before work, I decided I would try to catch a quick power nap. I looked at the clock, and it was 7pm. I had not fallen asleep yet. Again, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. I found myself imagining the feeling of the tight muscles being worked on in my back, the knots being taken care of. I remember subcontiously thinking to myself "I wonder if I'm going to get any sleep before my alarm goes off," and suddenly my alarm did. It made me jump because apparently somewhere in my mind I thought I was still awake. Obviously I had fallen asleep for maybe 30 - 40 minutes, because the alarm came up on me quicker than it normally would if I was still awake. I definitely know the difference. In the past I have layed down trying to nap, and been awake and alert right up until the time I was going to get up. Those experiences suck, because then you're getting ready for work thinking "sleep. needed sleep. Oh well. Will sleep tomorrow." lol. So on that note, I will call that it for tonight. I thank you all for being apart of my long rant, and will write more for you tomorrow.

Thanks for being here!

CB