Day 80

Ok, so apparently there are going to be some random nights when I end up working late on homework and wend up not realizing I need to come on here to post until it is already the next day. I appologize for this. Just means that apparently my 365th post will be later than the date I originally intended, but I will still post 365 posts here since that is what I set out to do. I'm going to keep it short and sweet tonight. This past weekend, we drove the truck on a 4.5 hour drive to pick up Lex. She had been with the grandparents being spoiled beyond belief for the past month. We've had the stress of Erin's car being out of commission because of the transmission for the past 2 weeks. Thank fully, that recently got taken care of and Erin is once again driving her own car. I know for a fact she is thrilled to death about that.

One thing I know I'm going to have to talk to Lex about is how much crap she has gotten into since she has been back. She has lied, and snuck food, etc. Erin and I constantly remind her that instead of sneaking, she should ask for what she wants. And that if she has done something she shouldnt have and we question her about it, that she should just be honest. Well last night she struck me as odd because she randomly got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. I said "Lex come back here, what are you doing?" She said "I'm just seeing what's new in the kitchen." I raised an eyebrow up at her and said "The kitchen is the same as it has always been. What are you really doing?" She said "It is? Hmm, well maybe I will find something different." Then I went into the kitchen without letting her be alone in there and looked in the pantry. A bag of marshmellows that had been full before she came home was now half gone and I noticed the bag instantly because it layed wide open.

I brought it in and said "When did you eat these?" She said "I didn't." I said "Really..... well mommy did you eat these?" Erin was like "no i didn't." So I looked back at Lex and said "I didn't touch these, last time I saw these they were sealed up. Mommy hasn't touched these... and Zoe can't reach the pantry. Unless the cat or dog got up on the counter, opened the cabinet and got into these, who does that leave?" She said "Me." I said "Exactly, so I ask you again. Did you eat these?" And she still looked at me and said "no." We went back and forth, Erin asked her, I asked her, every time this kind of thing has happened, Erin and I notice things right away. I don't know how to explain it, but it's like, as soon as something has gone missing from the cabinets, usually it's something that's like "Chocolate chips" for erin's baking, or in this case marshmellows, or apparently today it was these cordial cherry kisses that Erin uses for one of the kinds of cookies she makes.

Erin went to bed early because she didn't feel good. I finished the home made pizza that she had started to make, and while I was making it, we told Lex that she was to be in her room and getting it cleaned. I told her she was not to come out until it was done, except for going to the bathroom, and for dinner. Later she came downstairs, walked up to me and said "Daddy, I did eat the marshmellows." I thanked her for telling me the truth and again tried to emphasize how strongly we want her to 1) do everything she is supposed to do, and 2) to be honest with us about everything.

Today, I dropped Erin off at work. On the way to drop Zoe off at day care, Erin got a call from JD saying that her transmission would be ready when she got off work. We dropped Zoe off, I dropped Erin off, and went home. I got online and turned in my end of the week assignments ahead of time for both my classes. Logged offline, and went upstairs to lay down for 30 minutes or so until Erin would call to tell me she was ready to be picked up. My phone apparently spider web cracked some time when we were on the trip this weekend, and I could manage just fine till today when the crack spread throughout the rest of my screen. Now I can't select anything, cant answer calls, can't open my text messages, etc. Thank God we have insurance,even though it will probably cost us something like $80.00.

After midnight tonight when I get paid, I will be going online on verizon wireless and filing my claim. Apparently within 24 hours I should receive another blackberry storm2, and will probably have a mailing package that I can put my phone in and I will have 10 days to send my phone to them. For now, I left my phone powered off and sitting on my side table on my side of the bed. No point in having it on me right now. I would just get frustrated about not being able to open anything up. I love my phone but it made me wonder if maybe when we upgrade down the road if I should go back to the blackberry pearl. Yes it's not touch screen, and I do love my phone, but I hate that if the screen gets cracked like this again, I won't be able to do anything with my phone temporarily. But I guess we have a year or so left till we can renew our contract.

So onto the other stuff that happened with lex. When I went to lay down, Lex stopped me and was like "Daddy I'm hungry." I said "Ok, well it will be a little bit. We'll figure something out soon." She was like "ok." Not even 20 minutes later, erin called and said she was ready. I figured "ok, well I'm going to leave lex here so she can keep working on her room. I want to give her something for lunch so she wont be hungry." I wanted to be a good dad despite my stress level. So I reheated some of the pizza from last night and filled up a glass of milk and gave her one of her mootubes, which is basically a straw that has chocolate in it. She drinks the milk and it makes chocolate milk. I called her down and gave her the plate and milk. She was like "oh cool." I said "I would have given you the rootbeer in the fridge but you have milk." She said "When I finish my milk can I get the rootbeer?" I was like "yes, you can." Thinking that she would eat, drink her milk, then grab the rootbeer. Then I told her we would be back shortly and told her not to sneak anything, which she said she wouldnt, and then I left.

When we got back with both cars over an hour later, I noticed the pizza slices were still there. There was a note she wrote beside it saying "Mom and dad, I'm not hungry anymore. you can have these. I'll be cleaning my room." I went upstairs and confronted Lex because of the fact that just before giving her those slices she had said "Daddy i'm hungry." She came down, I was talking to her in the kitchen and then I randomly spoke my thoughts outloud "Wait a minute, I bet you finished your chocolate milk didnt you?" She was like "Yeah?" Then I spoke the next thoughts that came to my mind as I opened the fridge and verified that the rootbeer was gone "And you grabbed the rootbeer out of the fridge?" She was like "Yeah?" That was when I had to force myself not to boil over. Erin heard me scream at her, she came inside, I explained what was going on. I was on the edge of grabbing a belt and smacking her hard on the butt right there. Instead I was so furious that I tried to show how she should technically be slapping herself on the forhead, only when I mimicked it, I hit my head with my hand really hard and actually felt like I almost knocked myself out. For a few minutes I felt dizzy and light headed.

We sent her back upstairs, I went up with a belt and talked to her. First I asked her why she felt she should not be spanked with it. She couldn't answer me. I then said "I'm going to give you ONE last chance. I need you to STOP lying, STOP stealing or sneaking, and LISTEN! We are a team here, and you are not doing your part. The next time you do something this outrageous that pisses me or your mom off the way last night and today has, you will be smacked with this. Do you understand?" She was crying and was like "yeah." I was like "Good, now get over here and give me a hug."

I napped for over an hour while Erin and the girls went to wal mart for some stuff, and when I had showered and was leaving, Erin was noticing that apparently when I left and told lex specifically not to sneak anything, and she said she wouldnt, she got into the cordial cherry kisses. I looked at her, asked her why she would do that when she told me she wouldnt. She said "Sorry dad."

I'm going to close this entry out now. I've been going over in my head what I should do. I've been praying for God to give me strength and that I can handle the extra stress that has come with our oldest returning home. In the past when she has come back from grandma's house where she has almost free rein, we have always had problems. It's like, because grandma will give her almost anything and let her do almost anything, when she comes home she has forgotten how it works in the family. She doesnt ask for stuff, doesnt listen, until after we all butt heads with eachother and then eventually she straightens up, but I have never stressed out this much whenever she has come back, so we need to talk and get things figured out.

I love her to death and it is because I love her so much that I can feel the extra tension and stress definitely pulling at my health quite a bit. That is why tonight I realized with a crystal clear certainty that we have to get this straightened out before it gets any worse.

Other than that, on a positive note, school is going great. I've focused a lot on it, trying to get things turned in on time, doing the best I can. Week number 2 has already been easier than week number 1. I guess I'm getting used to it. So on that positive note I will bid you all good night.

Thanks for being here.

CB