Hey all! Well i just finished my post on xanga. Yes yes, that's right, i'm posting in two blogs currently. We'll see how long I can keep that up! I guess it really depends on how much is on my mind, how much I want to talk about, bla bla bla, yada yada yada. LOL! The funny thing was I started that xanga entry with the intent that I would not make it that long. But of course, it ended up much longer than I planned. LOL!
So let's see if I can do a completely new entry here without re-covering what I covered over there. *gonna take some work ;)* So, let's see. It is currently sunday, 8/12/2012, and I'm just inside of Texas from Arkansas. I'm about an hour away from where I'm delivering to. My appointment time is at 7 AM tomorrow, and I got parked here around like 4 this afternoon. The road I'm just off of is basically a two lane highway all the way to the customer from the interstate I got off of. I could have stopped at a truck stop on the interstate and then got up earlier and continued in the morning, but I had a method to my madness today. I thought, I wanted to get as close as possible before stopping so that I limit how much i drive in the morning. That way, I'm hoping.. HOPING! that I can get loaded tomorrow some time and be on my way towards Indiana to turn my truck in so i can catch a greyhound to head towards home. Yeah, big plans, I know, but I'm looking forward to the change! With everything that has happened recently, and still the lack of paychecks driving for england, you could say I'm looking for to positive change. Dont get me wrong, I would do what I'm doing for the next 2.5 years if I had to in order to own this truck and make the big bucks, but God opened up an opportunity for driving for a local company making really good money, and being home every day, so I couldn't pass it up. I could have become a trainer and I would actually have made more money than the new job will pay, but I would still never be home much, and honestly i'm worn out with being away from home. Could I do it? Absolutely. I will do anything and everything the Lord requires of me, and if He wants me to be away from home for years struggling before things looked up, then I'd do it. Thankfully He has led me down a different path that not only involves me doing this job, but being home more and being able to build our financial situation back up and get it on track.
Either way, what matters is God is responsible for it all. He's kept me going this far, and opened up the new opportunity, and I know that I just have to constantly praise and glorify Him no matter how good or bad things seem. Things can always get worse, and although it's so easy to put God on the back burner when things seem awesome because we get the mindset "we're so great!" It isnt US that's great. It's HIM! And if we don't give him the credit he deserves, he can just as easily put us back down into tough times. I guess that's why they say you should not only love and honor and glorify God, but should fear Him as well because He wants to bless us, but he wants us to obey Him, and if we don't, he will just as quickly let our lives temporarily fall apart to the point where we think "oh Lord please forgive us, please help us!"
In both good times, and bad, whether we're super happy, or super stressed to the point of wanting to give into temptations, or bang our head against a wall, or whatever, the one thing we must ALWAYS do is kneel and give it all to God. He can lift us up, and He loves us and is always there, but we have to come to Him. I can only wonder what we must look like to Him when we are trying to do everything and handle stuff emotionally on our own, and i can imagine God looking down on us thinking "i'm here, hello!!! come to me and I will help you!!!! Why are you trying to handle this alone!!!!" lol.
Heh, yeah, as we don't know God's plan for us, or what we are supposed to do (or at leats I don't know as far as my life goes), who knows what God is really thinking some times. All I have focused on especially more so lately is trying to live according to His word, trying to be the best person I can be in His eyes. I've noticed in life, I feel better over all, happier, not depressed at all, less stressed, and just a sense of peace especially when I'm trying to live to please God. The flesh is weak, and there are always temptations out there for us to look at or think, when I say "think", I'm talking about, someone hurt you, and you find yourself thinking of things you'd love to do to them out of anger, when we should still love them and forgive them. I struggle with that part. At least at first. Especially when the person who hurt me is someone that I care about such as a good friend, for a little while I first go through the denial stage, going "what did I do? Why? Please talk to me! Tell me please." *not saying I'd be saying those, but that'd be what would normally be said in denial. More like, denial because you just cant believe that things went that route. The next phase is the eye opening stage for me, especially recently. Because there's a reason for everything that happens. God is in control of everything, and there is probably something He wants us to learn from that experience. Even when I got a ticket recently for being overweight for this bridge I crossed, I was freaking out but I still went in back, kneeled and prayed saying pretty much "God I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from this experience, but I figure everything happens for a reason and so I pray that you'll give me the strength to handle this situation and that you'll continue to shoulder the weight of the world with me."
I keep getting distracted because I write a paragraph or two because I've got country music playing on the radio as I sit here in the sleeper bunk writing this blog, in between responding to texts from Erin. So if suddenly part of a sentence switches to a different point and you're like "dafuq?!" I'm sorry! I'm trying to make sure I keep everything flowing in order, but I'll be the first to admit, i'm scatter brained sometimes, so I tend to go off topic sometimes, or sometimes when I'm talking to someone especially out here on the road, I'll be talking to someone and suddenly its like my mind goes "flatline" and i'm like "huh, I cant remember what I was trying to say......" lol. Sucks when you know what you're hauling, but you're tired and you get to the counter where you're checking in, or in this one time about a week and a half back when I was in Cheyene, I was at the port of entry and the cop goes "so whatcha hauling..." I looked down at the counter and went "shit..... I know it but I cant, its like on the tip of my toungue" LOL. That was literally the end of my trip that day, so all that was on my mind after driving for 10+ hours was to get parked and relax.
Thankfully he was like "where you delivering?" I was like "walmart dc" he was like "here in cheyene?" I was like "yes sir," and he was like "great, have a good night" I guess i'm ok since i was delivering locally..lol..
So lets see, not sure what else to really cover tonight. I will go for a bit and see if my mind comes up with anything more as my fingers continue to punch the keys. So I was on this two lane highway going to the customer. I'm about an hour out, and I would have driven all the way if i knew more about this customer as in if they have space on their parking lot for trucks to come early and park. Sometimes customers will have room and let you come early and just wait. Most of the time though, if you get there too early, they send you away and say "come back ___ before your appointment time". Sucks when its walmart and i showed up 2 hours early and they were like "go to a truck stop and come back 30 minutes prior." I was like "oh, really? ok." I thought "well that sucks." Usually an hour or two before your appointment most customers will let you check in. A few of them were very strict about 30 minutes or so before your appointment time.
So today as I was driving the last like, 280 miles *i had like 350 miles left when I stopped yesterday afternoon*, I tried calling the customer to see if i could find out more about them so I would know if i could come straight in to the customer tonight and just park till morning. But I'm guessing they are closed on the weekends cuz i got their answering machine and they said receiving times are 7-2 monday through thursday, so I thought "i can risk it and go straight in and hope there's a place to park close by, or i can keep an eye out for a safe location within like 60 miles out." So, I figured that would be the best option, so here i am, about 55-60 miles away, and I came up on this huuuuuuuge open parking lot, had 3 seperate buildings, looked like an outlet mall location, but it also looked like it had long been shut down because the building exteriors were in disrepair, so I thought I should be pretty safe parking here. So i pulled in, went down by the building, swung around and parked near the back right corner of the lot facing out towards the highway. I figure, not "close" to the highway, so if cops or whatever pass, i'm less likely to attract their attention. I've been pretty blesse so far with parking in open places like this an not having cops come and tell me that I have to move. I figure, I'm very attentive to things like if there are "No Parking" signs, or "No Tresspassing" or "Private Property". Although like, friday or something, I parked in an empty sears parking lot. I was actually headed towards a walmart super center because I hoped there'd be room for me there, and i came up on this empty sears lot which was huge, and there was another truck parked there already, so I pulled in, went around the back, circled around and parked where I was out of the way, not seen by passing traffic very much, and in an area that first thing in the morning, I could get out easily and head over to the truck stop.
it wasnt too late when i delivered that night, but the truck stop close by was fairly small so even by like, 8pm when I got there, it was already full, so I scrambled with my truck stop app on my phone trying to find a place I could go. Thats the problem with these small highways and backroads is there arent many places we can park unless we find open lots like this. That's why I tried to trip plan so that I'd only be doing this stretch for a lil while. Otherwise I was on the interstates most of the way out here.
So since I'm finally starting to fun out of things to talk about *i know, surprising right? :P* I'll close up with this. I deliver at 7 am tomorrow, and i'm hoping to get loaded first thing towards indiana right away so that no later than wednesday, I can be dropping the load there and turning in my truck and be headed towards home on a greyhound. I guess lately there are times where it feels even more overwhelming out here as far as being alone goes. The good ol life of a trucker ;) love the job, but God help any truckers that come out here solo that don't have anything with them to keep them busy like a hotspot on their phone with a computer, or handheld video games or something. OMgosh, I could only imagine. Especially on those deliveries where you sit at the customer the entire day or longer. Without anything to do, you're options would be lay around and sleep or just sit and do nothing while you wait to finishing loading or unloading. That would suck! I've usilized my PSP a few times, mainly watching the movies (or UMD-universal media discs).. I'm still up in the air as to if I will eventually trade my psp and games and movies in for the newest version of the PSP. It looks cool, but what I don't like is i'm almost POSITIVE that I will end up with less games and stuff. It doesnt sound right to me to trade 4 games in and 4 movies, and my system and maybe hopefully come out with the new system and 1 or 2 games. Maybe it wouldnt be that bad, but thats what i'm afraid of.
So anyway, on that rambling note, I hope you all are well. I will talk to you all again next time. God bless, take care, be safe, be good, and ta ta for now!
C
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