Day 46

Wow. It is so hard to believe that I am on the 46th entry. Time just flies when you are having fun I guess. Not all days are fun, but most are. The way I try to think about it is this. You will only have things as good as you will allow yourself to. If you think life is shit, then of course, life will feel like shit for you. If life feels like shit, but you keep telling yourself that things are great, that you feel good, that you are doing good, etc, things will start to look up. In the past, when I was with my ex-wife (very rough 4+ years), I went through a few periods where 1) I had allowed myself to drift away from God. And 2) I literally felt like crap. I would go to work, tired as hell, aching all over, thinking "Why does life suck so bad?" Well, when I got involved in a really good church, they taught me that God gave us the gift of being able to speak powerfully. It can be used for good. For example, when I learned about this, I figured I would try it out. It was hard as hell. I'm sure a lot of you can imagine how difficult it would be to say you feel great when you feel the exact opposite right?

Well, That was me. Feeling like crap, tired as hell, in a way, hating my life, when people said "Hey Chris! How are you today?" I said "I'm great! I'm doing really good. I feel awesome! How are you?" I was so far down that it literally took me maybe 2 or 3 weeks before suddenly what I was telling people didn't feel like a lie. I actually felt really good. Not great yet, but it was a start. So I kept going. Another couple weeks, and although life with my ex was never easy or fun, physically, emotionally, and spiritually I was doing really well. You could say that with God's help, through what I had learned, I was able to dig myself out of the hole I was in, and patch the holes that I had in me spiritually.

Now, our words having power can be used for bad as well. In fact, without even realizing it, a lot of people do this. What it involves is usually talking negativity to someone. "You suck!" Or "You're going to get beat out there!" Or "i hope you die!" Or even "I hope you fail!" These kinds of things can actually, for lack of a better word, curse someone. The negative words actually can drag them down, and in some instances, cause that person harm. I can't explain it really, I just know that it is indeed true. So with this little ramble, the lesson is to not only think and speak positively about yourself, but to those around you. Don't be the cause of other's misfortune or bad luck simply because you felt you just 'had' to say something mean to them. Nobody wins that way.

Moving on! We usually mow the lawn at least once a week. I mowed our lawn a week ago from Wednesday, and so it has only been a little over a week. However, when ever I have wanted to mow the grass, minus the few sunny occasions when I had something else going on, it was raining that day and so I wasn't able to. With all the rain, our lawn has grown so much in just a week. I know for a fact that it HAS to get done tomorrow. I'm really hoping it will not rain again tonight or tomorrow so I can get it done. I hate it when there is something I know I 'have' to do, but for whatever reason can't.

Tomorrow morning at 10:15 is technically Lex's last soccer game. However, we are making up at least one game, so we will probably have that next weekend or this coming Tuesday. I guess we will find out tomorrow. There is a second game that was cancelled so I'm hoping that will mean we will still play two. However, the coach from the other team that we need to make up with has not been returning any of our calls, so that game looks like it might not get made up. I don't understand. You agree to coach a team. The player's pay the fee at the beginning of the season in order to be on the team, with the right to play every single game scheduled, and this coach is so not doing his/her job. I really need to get up to the Y and officially get my name down as a coach for the next season. I think they have them both in spring and in fall. I wish they did them during the summer. Plus, the seasons are just too damn short! It started just before May I believe and yet here we are, already at the end of the season. Some day I can see myself forming the official "Clinton Soccer Club" and building up the soccer program here. I want to have normal leagues, with certified referees officiating the games. None of these games with coaches in the middle making the calls *when a lot of them don't know much about soccer*.

So, in closing, there has been progress lately. I remember mentioning that for a fe weeks, I really didn't write a whole lot, especially in my book I'm writing. I did however, as you can all see, come here and update my blog. Well, I prayed a lot about it, and finally was able to get back into working on my book. Over the last two days I have hammered out at least 4 pages. It's all a matter of sitting there, closing my eyes, and letting my mind wander and bamn. The images of the story come to my mind, and my fingers start going.

So, hopefully I will be able to keep this momentum going. I think I will call that it for tonight. I will write more for you all tomorrow.

Thanks for being here.

CB